Top 10 Reasons You Know It’s Master’s Week(in no real particular order) by Jordan Zeh (hey, its a tradition....I did 20 of some of my old ones, new ones, and reshaped ones)..... 20-You slept with Tiger Woods last night you dirty little whore you. 19-You decide to follow Charles Howell III …to the concessions ..look like he’s getting an egg salad sandwich too. You get the nerve up to finally tap him on the back and tell him “I miss you missing the cut.” 18-You are shocked someone actually rented out YOUR HOME. Thank God for desperate people! 17- 16-The girl that no one understands how she got a job at Hooters is off the entire week. 15-The Hooter Girl’s Butterfaces(everything looks good but her face) are moved to the kitchen. 14-Wow, men can dress like even bigger faggots than Steeplechase. 13-People actually buy Augusta Magazine. 12-You see John Daly driving down Washington Rd at 4am and you GET THE F*** OUT OF THE WAY OF THIS DRUNK LEGEND. 11. A few hundred people realize Darius Rucker is black for the first time. 10-The downtown strippers are suddenly and MAGICALLY women that you would actually want to see naked. 9-You have a cocky, almost arrogant attitude and downright proud you are form Augusta, Ga for one week and one week only. 8-Your relatives that live in a mobile home have bought themselves one of those “smart phones” with “practice round ticket money.” 7-Your even poorer, unemployed, near homeless relative splurges and buys some coke rather than meth with all that “par 3 ticket money.” 6-Masters executives RETHINK the whole “lottery” ticket system after they actually SEE some of the people that decided not to scalp their practice round tickets and attend. The Chariman declares to the other snobs that “THIS IS THE LAST YEAR THOSE POOR ASS****** WILL GET IN HERE! PHOTOS AND A PAY STUB ARE NOW REQUIRED DURING THE APPLICATION PROCESS.” 5-The Chairman and the other snobs forget all of it when Arnold Palmer messes his britches on ceremonial first shot. 4-You feel really damn special and important as you CHECK IN TO THE AUGUSTA NATIONAL on Facebook and take that selfie at the gate….UNTIL you run into Frank, the African American that cuts your yard every other week who just like yourself knew someone that knew someone that loaned you Masters Tickets for an hour. 3-Whole Life Ministries forces thousands to litter. 2-Westlake becomes prominent once again…..for the week. 1-You ebay the Egg Salad Sandwich wrapper signed by Charles Howell III. No bids. *Honorable Mentions Feel Free to Share Yours Here are some of the past and current. -Veejay Patel is renting out his house to Veejay Singh. -You are starting to get emotional as you hear the Augusta theme song. Oh God, the one with lyrics. You are trying to keep it in as you think of Jack, Larry, Phil, Freddy and friends and family. Sundays. Memories get your close to tears as the song plays but you stay strong………THEN …. Austin Rhodes senses you are not going to cry and can’t have that and talks right after the song with instrumental version still playing “think of so many memories . Some of them with people not around anymore” before going into a Augusta Pride speech followed by an Augusta National Pride speech. Austin continues as You ball before becoming even more cooky and arrogant as he continues about being from Augusta, Southern, Christian, and Republican. He’s right, Obama can’t f*** up one thing. The Masters.
Posted on: Thu, 10 Apr 2014 00:10:25 +0000
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