Topic of the Week: What is Envy? It’s little wonder that we call envy the green-eyed monster. Even if envy is generally a bad thing, could it contain any seeds that could be used for good in our lives? One good aspect of intense negative emotions is that they have “signal value.” In other words, they tell us—often in a loud and obnoxious way—that something’s wrong. And if we pay attention to these signals of trouble, we might be able to turn things around. Listening to these signals may help us to manage feelings of envy. I’ll briefly summarize a few of our ideas here. Desire. Envy tells us a lot about our desires, because we tend to feel envy in areas that we see as personally relevant and important. I remember feeling an unexpected wave of envy when reading a letter from a friend who had traveled to several exotic locales. It wasn’t until I felt this envy that I recognized a yearning to travel to similar places myself. My friend hadnt done anything wrong, of course; but hearing about her adventures awakened my desire. And since I didnt recognize what was happening inside me, my initial response was to feel envious of my friend. Deficit. Envy stings because it reminds us that we have fallen short in an area that matters to us. We aren’t as smart, successful, attractive or good as we would like to be. It can be humbling to admit our limitations, but doing so can help us. In some areas, we can strive to improve—to build new skills, to try harder, to cultivate good habits. In other areas where we have less control, we may find peace by learning to accept our limitations. Disconnection. Envy damages relationships by dividing and alienating people. It sets us against others by fueling thoughts of relative status, competition, and resentment. Envy can also cause us to lash out with hurtful words or actions, creating more rifts. Remember, too, that the person you’ve been envying doesn’t have a perfect life. But if we see envy as a signal of deeper issues that need attention--an unfulfilled dream, an area of limitation, or a broken relationship--we might be able to find a few glimmers of hope in the shadows. (c) Psychology Today Advanced Awareness Counseling, LLC, based in Utah, can help you work through your particular issues and find ways to improve your life and your relationships. Change begins with Advanced Awareness. Like
Posted on: Thu, 28 Aug 2014 04:30:55 +0000
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