Trance state to Memory Palace…. Whew!!! Last Eleven Months…2014 was one of the best year of my life, got to understand and learn many things. There were times I wished I would disappear from this life, from this life of conscious and sub-conscious living, there are times when I cried to get back to life, to the moments that I had forgotten, there are times I literally slapped myself, there are times when I stood for few days at a junction day in and day out, and then there are times I walked bare foot for around ten hours, there are days when I couldn’t slept for full Twenty-Four hours, there are times people had to tell me one thing ten-fifteen times, there are times which I know only I can understand that how I handled job in these months, then there are times I cursed myself and then at times cursed God, Why me? I now remember exactly each and everything, who believe in me, who doesn’t believe. Probably, because, they are not at able to understand, as they wouldn’t have to deal with lost memories, distortions in gaining access to those years, with a head smack. Nobody will ever go through the same. I had forgotten how to act like a normal human being, and I play games and I made up stuffs due to confabulation and I trick people to avoid the truth of how I feel and the idea of letting anyone close to me is terrifying for obvious reasons of my condition, but the truth is that I can’t imagine waking up knowing that I won’t see my special ones. It’s very difficult for me to say it in loud and it scares me but it’s the truth. it is the truth of what I feel. And the truth would be between this line : -Someone who knows worst side of me and still loves, supports, handles me. Someone better than me……. Sometimes we have to do bad things in world so that worst things can’t happen. As a result, i was embarrassed due to my confused state due to confabulation and dissociative fugue. I Haven’t been able to call many . some say due to ego i am not calling them or avoiding but no, it was because, I feel embarrassed , to face many, for whatever things because I don’t even remember exactly what I told to whom etc etc..But it was not intentional and offcourse, I have to live with it ….. This year is not so good, in sense we lost many good humans from sports to bureaucracy , lost many innocent lives –Malaysia Pakistan, Australian siege and ISIS , and in aviation missing planes and hit and much more…but all is not bad in this year , but there are also few good things came out in world all over. As said……………….Darkest days are followed by the finest hours Thank you 2014!!! And Welcome, 2015,Two-O-One-Five, this year will definitely bring happiness and prosperity for all of you, to my known , to strangers to unknowns and to the lost ones to the forgotten ones….... God Bless All !!!
Posted on: Wed, 31 Dec 2014 17:18:42 +0000
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