True story.....I’d NEVER do that! It’s LAME! I recently picked up my two daughters, aged 18 and 16, from school and we had the following conversation: Roné (18) – Mom, I know you are working for Rainbows but what exactly does Rainbows do? Me – Well, let’s say Dad and I decide to get a divorce, or either Dad or I pass away, or one of your friends passes away, how would you feel? Roné – Sad I suppose. Well I don’t know…. Me – With who would you share how you feel? Roné – I don’t know… you and my friends I suppose… Me – You see, Rainbows brings kids who’ve gone through or are going through something like this together in a group, where they share with each other how they feel and what they do to cope and deal with whatever happened. Roné – Oh No! That will never work! No one talks about stuff like that with people they don’t know! Mom you know nothing about teenagers! We would rather die than sit in a group and talk about how we feel. IT IS LAME… IT IS SIMPLY NOT DONE! Zaré (16) – Yeh, we don’t do stuff like that! Me – Well, think about this for a moment will you? Imagine I’m telling you right now that Dad has passed away, imagine it is true. Roné looked at me and said “I don’t even want to think about that.” Me – Ok, you are upset only thinking about it, it would be much worse when it’s true, wouldn’t it? She blinked back tears, shook her head in confirmation, unable to speak. Me – You cannot tell me how you feel because I would be just as upset, sad and in shock as you. Therefore, I would be no help to you whatsoever, right? Roné – Yeh, but that doesn’t mean I’ll start talking about it to kids I barely know! Me – Right, let’s look at it from another angle. One of your classmates’ dad recently passed away right? Roné – Yes. Me – Did you talk to him about it, or did you avoid him for a couple of days and then carried on as if nothing has changed? Roné – I don’t know him that well, we barely ever speak to each other! Of course I did not talk to him about it! I told you, kids don’t talk to each other about stuff like that! Me – Why not? Roné – Because we don’t! And even if I wanted too, I would not know what to say to him! You always know what to say to people when someone dies, I don’t. Me – Why do you think that is? Roné – I don’t know. Me – Could it be because I’ve lost loved ones too during the years and therefore have some idea how someone may feel at that moment, while you haven’t? Roné – I guess…. Me – Let’s say you and Ben sit in class tomorrow and he starts talking about his Dad and how he misses him, what would you do? Roné – I don’t know. I would be very uncomfortable. I would not know what to do or say. I mean, I feel sorry for him but there is nothing I can say or do that would make him feel better. Me – Do you think he misses his dad? Roné – Yes. I mean I would miss my dad if it were me. Me – And would you like to talk to someone about your dad if you were Ben? Let’s say its Dad’s birthday today but he has passed away, would you like to talk to someone about that? Roné – Yes, I guess I would. Me – Who would you talk to? Who would want to listen to you? Who would understand how you feel? Who would give you a hug and maybe even some advice on what to do to feel better? Can you think of any of your friends who would do this? Most probably every one of them would feel very uncomfortable, just as you would feel uncomfortable if Ben starts talking about his dad. Roné – Yeh, I think I get it now. Me – Get what? Roné – Well, the only people who would really understand how I feel and who would listen to me would be kids my own age who have also lost a mom or dad. Yeh, I can see how it could work. But I still don’t think I would have the guts to join a group of strangers and start sharing how I feel. Me – But it won’t be a group of strangers, these kids are all from your school, you may not know them very well, but you know them none the less, kids like Ben. On the first day everyone feels uncomfortable and awkward, but as soon as they realise that everyone else in the group has experienced a loss of some sort and is struggling to cope, they don’t feel so alone anymore. Soon they start sharing their experiences and feelings and help each other get through difficulty days. You see, they have something in common, they have suffered a loss and this brings them together. That is how Rainbows works! Roné – That’s pretty cool mom. I never thought about it this way before. Zaré – Ok, great, are you done now? I’d like to listen to some music please, you all depressed me now! No Mom! Not that old stuff you’ve got on your phone…. Roné, please don’t let Mom play her music, I’m depressed enough as it is! Me – Do you want to share with us how you feel Ziggy? Zaré – Hell no! Go away woman! Roné please help! Play some music before she starts again!
Posted on: Thu, 12 Sep 2013 07:23:59 +0000
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