Type of Facebook people. 1.The Rooster Feels that it is their job to tell Facebook “Good Morning” every day. Their other half doesn’t talk to them and the internet seems to be a worthy mistress. If this makes them feel less lonely, Good morning to you, too. 2. The Supporter Every other day you see them posting a link to VentureBeat or TechCrunch with the title: “GO [add any name of a person that got funded or acquired that week]!” On the surface it shows how supportive they are, but what it actually is: “Hey! I know this person! I will tag them here to show them I care, and to show everyone else that I have some pretty influential and successful friends, and now that they got rich and famous I am not embarrassed to know them, they may even help me! Go Brian/Anna/Dave/Tim..!!” 3. The Documentarian Always updates us on what they are doing and who they are doing it with, no matter how arbitrary. 4. The Appreciator Always saying stuff like “Thank you for a great evening [here they tag a random person that only they know]. They want you to believe they have a) friends, b) social life. They never get tagged by others though. 5. The Victim Every post revolves around someone hating them, and they swear people are trying to ruin their life. 6. The Befriender Adds friends based on the amount of contacts they have in common. Also: upgrades their social status by adding more and more of the networkers and connections. This way one day you may see them being friends of Ashton Kutcher. At the end of the day, 6 degrees of separation is all that stands between us, right? 7. The Entrepreneur They started by being the pros of uplifting and motivating quotes on blurred backgrounds, but since it’s all very passe now, they moved on to being The Supporter and The Befriender. When they are feeling down, they go to the bedroom and punch their punchbag, go for a run or do yoga, but never in a million years will you see them posting something negative on their wall. If that was ever to happen, they would claim the next day they have been hacked. 8. The Educator His status updates would make some of the dissertations look like posted notes. They overanalyse subjects relating to their profession in order to appear smart, but it’s often a sign of uncompleted phd. They are jealous of anyone who gets 200 likes by posting just few words. 9. The Food Connoisseur They have made it. Now that the biggest dilemma during their lunch is the choice of an Instagram filter, life is good. We eat vicariously via their photos. Another take on this type is taking pictures of home made food. Usually taken by single people, who are trying to convince the rest of us they are datable after all. 10. The Celebrity Allowing people to “follow” you on Facebook is so 2010. Now it’s all about having your personal profile and “official profile”. The result? Internet laughing at you and your need to be socially accepted on two different URLs. If you really have to have one, wait until you have Bieber on your speed-dial. 11. The First Time Parent Don’t confuse it with someone, who is already on the Offspring no 2 or 3. The first time parents should have a network of their own, where they could swim in the juices of their own awesomeness. It always seem like they suddenly joined the sect of “we know something you don’t know”, and have a secret radio frequency only accessible to people with children. All of us want to say: “There are over 7bln people in the world right now, you are not that special”, but all we say is: “Awww so cute, she’s got your eyes”,”He’s growing so quickly”. We are being polite. Do us the courtesy and stop posting pictures of your baby eating, sitting, trying on new shoes. This is exciting for you only. What would be great is to see less of this.. ..and more of this if possible.. 12. The Stalker I don’t know about you guys, but those really freak me out. You never see any updates from them, maybe one picture every year, very politically correct, most likely with a member of their family. You may just be fooled into thinking they are not checking their Facebook daily. Then comes your birthday, and poof! They posted the obligatory “Happy Birthday” on your wall. It’s all nice and we love this annual flow of love from everyone, but.. how did they know? Unless.. that’s right. They are on Facebook more than you think. They follow your updates and see your pictures. But what do you know about them? Not much. 13. The Photo Editor You rarely recognise their updates in your news feed because the profile picture seems to change weekly. The reason is quite often very simple: they want you to notice them. They are starving for a bit of acceptance or a new comment. After some time they keep recycling the old profile pictures due to not having anything new happening in their life that would be worth capturing for posterity. Also, they specialise in posting pictures taken some time ago, when they were less wrinkly and less miserable. 14. The Eternal Optimist If life gives them lemons, they won’t talk about them on the Internet. They love their friends, they love their job, they love prancing in fields of flowers and sunshine, and more than anything, they love telling us all about it. Cue the rest of the Internet vomiting. 15. The “So last year” Person. Internet changes with the speed of light and what was hot 5h ago is already a history. If you are glued to the screen most of the day, you keep your eye on everything. It may be hard to comprehend, but there are people who still share Gangham Style, Harlem Shake and The Bacon Dog videos. Crowding your news feed with the newsiest of newsy updates is not the reason you are connected to them. 16. The Hangover Victim Out of all types of people on Facebook, this one makes me yawn the most. Lack of professionalism. Most of the Facebook users age 20 to 50 have got a hangover on Sunday morning and trying to get anyone to feel sorry for you is pathetic. Just don’t do it. If you are trying to make everyone feel jealous that your social life is booming and you party hard, why is Facebook the first thing on your mind on the aforementioned Sunday morning, instead of a hot babe in bed next to you?
Posted on: Thu, 01 Aug 2013 21:09:28 +0000
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