UNDERSTANDING THE PRINCIPLE OF MARRIAGE The genesis of this article was a quote from one of my colleagues in University of Ibadan on her Facebook wall at about 10:42am on Sunday, 21st July 2013. It goes thus: “MARRIAGE!!! Anytime I hear these 8 letter words. What comes out of my mouth is HMMMMMMMMM”. I came across this message when I was flipping through my phone at home in the afternoon. I wanted to reply her immediately but I could not do so due to our Church Sunday’s evening programme which I always anchor. What a mighty GOD! I, who used to ignore the gathering of brethren, now become a regular Church goer. It is GOD and I have dedicated my life to Him. If marriage is to be food; I will describe it has the best sweetest and pleasant delicacy in the world. Every unmarried people must, therefore, try to have a taste of it. Although, I married 5years ago, I had over 15years experience in marriage before I settled down with my bone of bone and the flesh of my flesh. I acquired this experience during my Secondary School’s August/September long vacations which I always spent in my various uncles’ and aunties’ homes. Everyone perspective about marriage, either negative or positive, comes to live if one has attached his/her belief to it. Our perspectives about marriage should be sweet melody and live enjoyment union. As I used to say, marriage is an institution. It has its own language, dictionary, drive, religion, leader, follower, judge, lawyer, and lots more. It is very broad and goes beyond these attributes: AGE, POSSESSIONS, TRIBE, EDUCATION BACKGROUND etc. In fact, there is nobody who can comprehend its meaning except the ORIGINATOR. The power of love is so strong that brothers will be willing to die for sisters during courtship. It will surprise one when such person begins to misbehave at home after his/her several care and kindness. I learnt a lot about marriage from my parents too. They used to fight and relate issues. It was from them that I understood “NO” as “YES” in marriage. During disputes, you would hear them saying to each other something like “This and that made me to marry you.” – Where is that things now? “If it were not my aunty, I would not have married you.” – Is your aunty going to live with you? “You were not my type, I just managed you.” – Why are you still with him/her or you have not found your type yet? To God be the glory – they are both grandpa and grandma now. We have left the house for both of them. Whether enemies like it or not, they will live the rest of their lives together until when GOD call them home one after the other. It is our prayer that they will crack jokes with lots of their great grandchildren. I hope this is also the prayer of every beloved parent. Are you one of them? The recent marriage crashed of a popular actress must have been caused by a mere issue. In all sincerity, we are in global village. The old ways of doing things had gone and gone forever. Today’s marriage is not about boss and servant relationships. It is purely about TEAMWORK. Marriage is like a man driving a commercial bus to a destination with a bus conductor and full passengers who will alight from their various destinations as they embark on that journey. Husband is the driver; his wife is the conductor, while the passengers are their children, parents, relatives, friends, co-workers, religious home members, neighbours and few strangers. The husband must have good sight to be able to drive well. He must pay attention to every discussion going on in the bus between his conductor and their passengers. He must always observe both side and inner mirrors. He must, therefore, use all his senses if he truly wants to drive everyone to their different destinations safely. (I have more to say here but let me stop here). His conductor, the wife, must coordinate all passengers. Call each bus stop and ensure they alight in their various destinations. She must keep calling the bus stops as the bus is moving from one point to another. However, the conductor must also be very observant. She must observe their passengers and other motorists. She sees almost all vehicles within them. The driver only sees few but not all vehicles. Despite being a conductor, she also needs to assist the driver to check how good or bad the road is. (I will also like to stop here for certain reasons). I have a simple exercise for everyone. Please, match and relate MY PARENTS’ STORY earlier discussed with THIS DRIVER, HIS CONDUCTOR AND THEIR PASSENGERS’ STORY. “BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND” is one of the “seven habits of highly effective people” written by Stephen Covey. If we are to relate this message to marriage, it means couple should not be carried away with the care, kindness, love and generosity during courtship; but rather concentrate on what tomorrow and its end result will look like. So, marriage is not about TODAY but TOMORROW! This is one of the basic and foundation of every successful marriage if truly couple want to live the rest of their lives together. One of the biggest problems of Nigerians is that – they hardly read life enriching, impactful, and insightful books but most of them like watching derange movies and listening to derail songs which will add no value to their lives but to corrupt and pollute the mind. In today’s society, we cannot rule out these four behaviour patterns – Aggressive, Passive, Manipulative, and Assertive. This means every living being possesses few or at least one of these behaviour patterns. The marriage ORIGINATOR expected an aggressive person to marry an assertive person for complementing sake. If an aggressive lady should dare marry an aggressive guy, only God will come to restructure that union. As I said in one of my marital articles, “Everyone must marry someone who weaknesses will not surpass his/her strengths but rather someone who strengths will surpass his/her weaknesses.” Marriage is about COUPLES COMPLEMENTING ONE ANOTHER WEAKNESSES AND STRENGTHS. From the onset, the bone that the ORIGINATOR took from man connotes several meanings. There are many things attached to it i.e. one of the husband’s strengths has been given to his wife which means the gap has in-turn become the husband’s weaknesses. It is therefore a good thing for every person to look for or connect with the person whom bone will match his/her bone. Before you settle down, ask God for your bone of your bone and flesh of your flesh. Marriage is about PHYSICAL and SPIRITUAL. Even though, you pray and the ORIGINATOR actually tells you the person. Endeavour you carry out your own primary survey too. Ask people around about the kind of person he/she is. Study him/her very well and thoroughly. May be your dream or vision is not actually from God but arrives as a result of stress of the work which you undergo a day before. If you cannot pray, then marry your best friend. How do you marry your best friend? It is left for you to decide. The best way of choosing a future partner is to match your SWOT analysis with your spouse’s own. Try to get his/her likes and dislikes. Endeavour to know his/her SWOT. Please note we make either RIGHT OR WRONG DECISION whichever we choose will determine the type of marriage experience to witness later in our marital relationships. After your wedding, you may not have disputes with your spouse until after some months when strange behaviours will begin to resurface. Ignore any strange behaviour of your partner and try to resolve it amicably. Some of your passengers, who board your bus, will think you are a fool or dull person; however, it is far better to be called a fool or dull spouse than a prisoner or murderer. Your religious leaders may not tell you the truth on your wedding day. It is not every time that thing will be rosy in marriage. That is why some religious leaders too divorce their spouses. Both of you just have to be considerate and love each other despite the tough and rough situations you will certainly go through when living together. All PASSENGERS are DISTRACTORS. Do not listen to them. They will all alight at their various destinations and leave you and your spouse to face the reality of life. Finally, you and your spouse own the BUS. The bus is your home! (I have many more to say here but let me stop for now). I pray that the LORD will connect you with the right spouse and for those men who think they have married wrong person; they should have a rethink. Men should not be carried away with these three attributes of women: VALENCIA (the facial expression), CHELSEA (the chest) and BARCA (the buttocks). Women/ladies should also not look at the smart MOURINHO with few trophies but the experienced FERGUSON with lots of trophies. I AM A CHELSEA FAN anyway! Written by IGE, OLUWASEYE (Baba Divine Twins) +234-8030-608-685 seye4God@yahoo
Posted on: Wed, 24 Jul 2013 15:46:54 +0000