UPDATE ON CONVERSATION WITH MY MOM YESTERDAY Well, things transpired pretty much as I expected. Yesterday I called my mom, who is a resident of an assisted living facility in Pennsylvania, and she didnt know who I was. When I told her I was her youngest daughter, then she remembered me and got emotional. Even though she doesnt celebrate birthdays (because shes a Jehovahs Witness), I wished her a Happy Birthday since I have never uttered those words to her. She turned 84 this week. (My dad died when he was 84 so this fact really brought Moms mortality into focus for me.) She has dementia and didnt seem to mind hearing Happy Birthday but asked in a suspicious tone, How do you know so much? I told her I learned her birthday from dads tombstone last year. She seemed surprised that I had visited dads grave and knew her birth date (because prior to this she never told me it). We talked about my son a bit and I pointed out the fact that we lost touch many years ago. The dementia seemed to come and go throughout our conversation. She repeatedly asked, Who are you? I think to her, the lapse in our lives never occurred, even though prior to this she had shunned me for over 30 years. She interrupted our conversation because she said one of her friends (another resident of the assisted living facility who is not a JW) needed help getting out of her rocking chair. They had been visiting with each other when I called. Mom referred to the woman (a non-JW) as my good friend Nellie. When Mom came back to the phone, I asked her if any of The Friends from the Kingdom Hall ever visited her (other JWs). She said she supposed but didnt remember. I am thankful that she has made a worldly friend in her old age. I just wish she also had the mental faculties to understand now that not all non-believers people are evil and that The Friends from the Kingdom Hall actually abandoned her once she stopped attending meetings. Then I asked her if she remembered what her life was like before the Jehovahs Witnesses visited. She said, I guess I was normal. I found that an appropriate, yet uncanny, choice of words. I asked her why she decided to become a Jehovahs Witness and she said I remember that they were very, very nice people. I think she could remember our history because she turned defensive at that point and added that she didnt have any regrets being a Jehovahs Witness. I told her I had regrets and I named off a few things--losing touch with cousins, aunts, and uncles for 40 years, not being able to celebrate any holidays or birthdays, not being able to have friends as a child or be normal. I told her I wanted to make a better life for myself and thats why I left home and moved to Colorado. I told her I was very unhappy as a child and its too bad she shunned me because weve lost so much time together. She said, I never shunned you. I probably didn’t know where you was at. I don’t appreciate you talking about things like this. I told her I know its hard for her to hear this and its hard for me to tell her this. She said, I didn’t walk out of your life. You probably walked out of your life yourself. (?) I told her I still have the letter she wrote me saying she could never associate with me again and offered to send it to her. She refused it. While shes outwardly in denial about the shunning, its clear she does remember something about it, or she would have asked me, Why would did you say that? What makes you feel that way? One of my goals has always been to let my mother know I wrote a book eight years ago. Not because I want to dangle all the gory details in her face but because I think she needs to know that my childhood impacted me so much that I felt compelled to write a memoir. So I went on to tell her that I wrote a book and its title is, Out of the Cocoon. Her response was, Did ya? I said, Yeah, I wrote about my life as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Then I gave her the rest of the title, A Young Womans Courageous Flight from the Grip of a Religious Cult. Click. The phone went dead. My immediate thought was: The Mother who either wont or cant acknowledge that she shunned me just hung up on me. Hmmm... My boyfriend listened to part of our conversation and was amazed by her demeanor. He said its like theres a switch inside her that she can flip at will to build this wall around her. She can go from loving (and crying after hearing my voice) to cold and detached as though I dont exist. Whats particularly ironic is that she had a butterfly plaque on her wall for years about Love never fails. So this is the last time I will ever reach out to Mom before she passes away and I am at peace knowing that. Besides, I doubt she even remembers me or our conversation today.
Posted on: Mon, 20 Jan 2014 00:50:17 +0000
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