Udoka Uzodinma Mbaekwe: Forgive my grammar, I dont like to write things. I thought about just putting this story online for a while and after a night of booze fueled picture flicking decided its time. My name is Uzy, Im not poor or rich, I share apartment with my sibling and all in all have an OK life. While studying @Unizik; I worked for a well known I.C.T firm. Back in 2004; I met a girl Atilola, whom i fell completely in love with almost instantly. What is love? I dont know, i really dont but what i do know is that i feel incomplete even after not having been with her for just over 2yrs. AND IT WAS MY FAULT. It was probably your usual story. We met, we were friends, we flirted, ended up physically close and then started a relationship. At the time i was typical old. I thought i was the sh*t. I was crazy about her but I put me first. I didnt realize what I had. Its fair to say we went through allot together. I mean it was our main years, we were together for over 7 years, we had out breakups, arguments etc all the way. We survived all stuffs. Without me knowing it, she was my best friend. I suppose my excuses for why i broke up with her have changed throughout the year. We split up in July 2011....... When i say split up, what i really mean is i text her and ended it. Before you start typing out the message telling me how much of a c**k you think i am, Dont worry. Im constantly punching myself for it. Two weeks later i was in a relationship with a girl 3 years younger, a girl who was pretty enough but absolutely nothing compared to my Ex. I treated this new girlfriend much better than i treated my EX. The one who deserved everything i had was my EX. Atilola tried for a long time to get me back, she showed up at awka almost in tears trying to get me back. She begged, she tried everything. I didnt listen. You see when i broke up with her, i had this thought that she didnt care. There was a lack of passion, or at least i thought there was. I suppose thats what would happen after 7 years. But, i never did anything to make that better. She bought me stuffs While visited me @Awka. What did i buy her...... Nothing. You might be thinking i was the worlds worst boyfriend, Before you jump to that conclusion let me just in my defense say that i wasnt. I dont see a need to go into detail but i did nice things, they just didnt match up to what she did for me. The important thing is that we were happy. She was happy. And i F**ked it up. So, two weeks later and im seeing this other girl Cynthia. BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE. When i look back at the last year it feels like i was just a completely different person. I didnt love this other girl, i hardly cared. I just pretended to my self that i did.... and too her aswell. I put my EX through hell, and her, the one who knows me best told me i would feel the way i do now. And she was perfectly right. I feel like i have properly, in the last 2yrs woken up. In Jan. 2012, i remember thinking that i wished my EX would just of walked through the door instead of the girl i was seeing at that point. At the point i went onto my facebook and looked her up. Literally the day before she had went into a public relationship with a guy, who all in all seems more suited for her. At that point i had other things to be upset by and just closed it down. I was on the other hand gonna message her and beg for her back. After some months i ended it with the other girl. She was a piece of work, she was cunning, sly and tried to use me. So i had no regrets or sad feelings when i got lost of her. Its now JUNE and i havent started a relationship with anyone else, i had the options. I have one right now. But i dont want this girl, i dont want any girl apart from Atilola. At early 30s i feel like Im not wanting to play the Game anymore, i was never one for that anyway, i just want her. My other half. Shes now been happily married with a baby boy with the guy, she seems happy or at least her friends say she is. And honestly i would rather she be Happy than anything else. But what her old best friend has pointed out and many other wise people is that she was so in love with me, so devastated when i broke it off. And the husband has a bit of a player reputation and yeah honestly i dont think it will work out. I hope it doesnt in all honesty but then again if it was to seriously hurt her then i would rather it didnt end. So the point i was getting at with what her old friend said to me is that i should tell her how i feel. See she has no idea. Or maybe she does? The predicament i had landed myself in is that, and if i told her and she might had said no. I would completely deserve that with perhaps a knife to the back aswell. And if she was ever for any crazy reason to decide to had given me one last chance at being the luckiest guy then yeah, it would be different, and i would have treated her like a queen. But i dont deserved that, and its that feeling of not deserving it that stops me from interfering in her current life right now. I loved her, I never stopped loving her and i dont think i ever will. Im not saying this because im single, and i dont think its impossible that i will find a good girlfriend who i will love. But i had that option and i didnt want it. I dont want anyone apart from Atilola. Thats why im a twat, and thats how i lost the one. How do i feel? Without being overly dramatic...Like i shouldnt be here at all. Thanks for reading, and yes!....
Posted on: Tue, 03 Jun 2014 17:47:05 +0000
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