Uncas Paternity Suit: the wild Mohawk squaw that failed in her attempt to hang a child on Danglingballs has now decided to implicate Unca. The case was heard March 2 in the second circuit court of appeals. It was heard by Judge Judy. Upon opening statements, judge Judy asked Unca where his counsel was. Unca replied...dont need any. Judy replied in her sarcastic manner...only a fool would not have representation. Unca restated his case....I dont need any. As examination was started by the prosecution, witnesses stated that on many occasions they saw Unca and Danglingballs swapping partners. Unca says...no .,.shes just trying to hang this on me. For two days, the testimony went on and on and it looked a little gloomy for Unca. But he just kept saying...shes just trying to set me up. When it was Uncas turn to speak, he said ...the child could not be his for it was perfectly formed...ten fingers..ten toes, high round Indian cheekbones...he said ...I could not have produced such a beautiful baby. While the gallery, being full of notaries, Maury Povich amongst them looking to make a show out of this extravaganza, Judy said ...sir, looks are not indicative of parenthood. But since it is lunch time we will recess. At which time, when we return, you will take a DNA test. Unca flatly refused, but did agree to a lie detector. Well at 2:00 when they reconvened, the results of the lie detector test were revealed and they came up ....inconclusive. Unca did not even break a sweat. Judge Judy said...sir, you are wasting my time, unless you can give me firm proof that this child is not yours, I shall rule in favor of the squaw. At the point, Unca produced two documents...one from the famed urologist, Clippemandsnipem, and one from the Quest Medical Laboratories. Clippemandsnipem produced evidence from June 4 1992 when he performed a vasectomy on Unca. And Unca produced a lab report from shortly thereafter that indicated a sperm count of zero. The court room was dumbfounded. Unca was smiling. Judge Judy, visibly shaken, pronounced him not to be the father. Unca said, I did it by myself and it didnt cost me a dime and in Denny Crane fashion he lit up a victory cigar at which point, judge Judy fined him $150 for smoking in a public building. Maury approached the squaw and in his typical fashion said we will help you find the father for the child is our only concern.
Posted on: Fri, 07 Mar 2014 17:45:25 +0000
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