Uncommon Wisdom for Men by Jim Chambers, EdD – 01/28/2014 The Toolbox If a man hopes to have a healthy, long-term relationship with a woman he needs to purchase a good set of tools. Although it is common knowledge that women are notorious for breaking things, men are generally clueless about why. As a result, they end up spending enormous amounts of money on expensive cars, fashionable clothes, trendy hairstyles and investment portfolios when all most women are really looking for is a guy who get the garage door to work without losing a finger or severing a major artery. Listen, if you are single guy who owns a pair of pliers, a cordless drill (with accessories), a decent hammer and a stepladder you can pretty much have any women on the planet. The truth is most women (not all) are walking disasters when it comes to mechanical things. If something isn’t broken, they simply haven’t had the time or opportunity. Automobiles, furniture, household appliances, jewelry, clothing, computers, office equipment, farm implements or the earth’s tectonic plates are all fair game where women are concerned. Here are a few common things women break and men fix. Doors - All Types. Women love to slam doors; cabinet doors, closet doors, car doors, garage doors, barn doors . . . It doesn’t matter as long as it has hinges that can be broken to make a point. It would be nice to know what the point is, but so far we have no survivors who have used that line of questioning. The best strategy is to become scarce until the noise stops, give it another 30 minutes for safety sake and then fix the damage. Warning! Whatever you do, never bring this up again - It never even happened. Precious Jewelry. Most women value their jewelry and the more expensive the more likely she is to break it. Now when a woman breaks a piece of valuable jewelry it is not an accident, it is a test. One reason we know this is because it only happens when you are walking out the door to the biggest event of your life. It doesn’t matter if it is a job promotion, award ceremony or the sporting event of the century she will break her most prized necklace just to test your love and commitment. So if you cant fix it quickly you’re NOT going and you don’t want to know what happens next. What you need is “The Broken Jewelry Emergency Repair Kit.” Take a small tackle box and add a magnifying glass, soldering iron, silver solder, several small screws and clasps, 2 tubes of superglue and some fishing line. Hide it under the counter or in a desk and your set. I have had one of these for years and have never failed a single exam. Vacuum Cleaners: Regardless of what the manufacture says, women believe that vacuum cleaners are designed to pick up anything. If it’s on planet earth, it should be able to make it around the rotating brushes, up the 2” plastic tube and into the bag. Don’t try to explain that this is an engineering impossibility because it won’t stop them from trying, and in some cases it becomes a challenge. I once removed a pair of pantyhose, a ballpoint pen, two Legos and part of a hot wheels car from a vacuum before it burned the house down. When I ask my wife if she heard the screaming noise or saw the smoke pouring from the motor she said, “Yes, but I thought it would stop after it got to the bag.” Automotive Fluids. Even after millions of years of development, there is still one small part of the female brain that is completely void of life - the tiny speck within the prefrontal cortex that controls the memory of automotive fluids. Most men know to keep an extra can of motor oil, antifreeze and a few other essential fluids close by for regular maintenance, but women simply cannot grasp the concept. Last week my wife was on the phone with her sister who suddenly noticed a “Check Engine” light come on in her truck. Her husband was working out of town so they wanted me to go by and check it out. When I asked if she had checked the engine oil lately she replied, “It has oil?” Not wanting to embarrass her I politely mentioned it could also be low on antifreeze, to which she responded, “No, that one is fine. I used the windshield washer just this morning.” Like I said, void. We could discuss washing machines, kitchen sinks and toilet bowls, but you get the point. So, if you want a healthy, long-term relationship with a woman purchase a good set of hand and power tools. Believe me; you’re going to need them!
Posted on: Tue, 28 Jan 2014 16:27:24 +0000
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