Unreasonable ex-spouses put extreme pressure on a new blended family It’s no wonder couples that remarry have such a difficult time. Besides all the normal challenges of trying to figure out how to be married to another person, you have one or more ex-spouses in the mix. The exception to the rule is that everyone plays nice in the sandbox together, so no need to worry about the best case scenario. What can a couple do to mitigate the negative outside pressure put on them from the ex-spouses? Every day, there is a growing number of resources available on how to maneuver your way around a blended or step-family. There are so many different situations it would be impossible to go through all of them in a short article. Consider some of the worst cases that blended families have to deal with. How do you, as a recently married couple, find a way to deal with an ex-spouse whose only goal in life is to make sure your new relationship fails? What do you do if there is the possibility of an ex-spouse ultimately doing bodily harm to you and/or your new spouse? These are really tough questions to answer. Every case is unique. Sometimes, when someone is motivated enough, they will eventually find a way to carry out their revenge even at the cost of their own life. So, moving away from the fringes of the extreme cases, how can you, as a ‘reasonable’ person deal with someone that is being unreasonable? Reason doesn’t work with someone that is being irrational. The first thing that needs to happen is to make sure you and your new spouse are totally on the same page about your relationship. Nothing should be more important than your relationship with your current spouse. A vindictive ex-spouse will do about anything to exploit every little chink in your marital armor. They know all the weaknesses of the former spouse and how to manipulate them. It’s very common for the now remarried spouse to give in to demands of the former spouse which often translates into jealousies and insecurities in the other spouse. In many cases, ex-spouses are given too much authority in the new marriage. Often, the ex uses the children to manipulate any negotiations. Too many remarried spouses drop everything to take care of a request by the ex. Trying to keep communication strictly about the children can go a long way to help this situation. Constantly remind the former spouse that they have no place in your life other than the mother/father of your children. Small talk with an ex only leads to trouble with the new spouse. Make sure to use the word ‘we’ instead of ‘I’ when talking with the ex. Speakerphone conversations help reduce the misunderstandings about who said what. From the perspective of the current marriage, it is vital to put it first and do your best to control interaction with the ex to just the bare minimum to meet any legal obligations and eliminate as much of their influence on you as possible.
Posted on: Sat, 02 Aug 2014 21:43:03 +0000
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