Up since 1 am wandering around still in total disbelief that this is all happening and hoping I can wake up soon and find out I have been dreaming for the last month and a half. I am emotionally drained and exhausted which makes the swings from disbelief to agonizing grief and premature mourning too much to bear at times. When the emotions and the sight of her laying there suffering become just too real I throw on a coat and go out side and yell like blind Bartimaeus “Jesus, Son of David, have pity on her!” But unlike Bartimaeus Jesus isnt saying Bring her over here, instead He says trust me, everything will be ok. Dont be afraid and dont be discouraged. Every time I hear Him say those words my natural man wants to get in His face and scream You dont understand how serious this is!!! but my spirit Hears His words and is calmed by them. The natural man is forced into submission by the spirit and refrains from acting out and instead breaks down and cries uncontrollably for a while. The peace that Jesus has given us is more powerful than any emotional swing and always calms us with reassuring hope that only He can give. But being human we both still struggle between the spirit and the flesh daily (me way more than her) as we stand in faith believing for a miracle while staring reality in the eye. Were it not for our knowing that God put eternity in the heart of man, and that He did it so that we would search for and find Him, the flesh would win the fight against our faith. But we recognized that knowledge of something greater within us, searched for it and found Him. When we first encountered Him He gave us the ability to See into eternity with great expectation and a hope that is even more real than the reality of the day. The day we had that encounter was our day of salvation, we heard His voice and answered His call and ever since that day we have never faced a situation without peace and hope in our guts. Today could be your day of salvation, if you hear His voice through our trial dont ignore it and walk away. You could be diagnosed with pneumonia tomorrow and find out two months later that it is a malignant carcinoma that has entered your brain and the prognosis is less than a month.........
Posted on: Tue, 20 Jan 2015 00:10:05 +0000
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