Very restless tonight. This is rough... Thinking about how to create beautiful comforting non-judgemental spaces inside & out after coming face to face with the reality of situations and how to grapple with my own incessant need for idealism and love of potential. When did flagrant desperation, blind romanticism, trifling behavior, unexplored cowardice, passive complacency, and sub par mediocrity become the name of the game when it comes to love? Of ourselves. Of each other. Of the gifts we have to give the world? When did we all become complacent with giving and receiving scraps? Next level... I am in process. I grapple with my patterns of betraying myself (and thereby others): betraying my mind, my intuition, my heart, my body, my truth for ideas- in the name of my highest self. Without judgement, I receive I am guilty of this. Compromising so much in the NAME of love under the guise of having an unfaltering faith in what I secretly questioned. Sometimes in the journey we learn to survive and forget who we are and how its really in our nature to thrive. I have indeed bought myself some knowledge over the years. Only now do I have the courage to open those books and learn what I was afraid to. Now I have tools and have to use them. Now I have to get messy, dirty, bloody. Now I have to cry and rage: and not just inwardly. Now I have to trust my instinct and my discernment; find my sharp edges and demand, be fierce, and check toxic shit and disrespect at the door, and rebuke it from whence it came: without becoming hard, or bitter. And do so consciously. And compassionately. And be willing to fall down in this mission and get up and enter the fire again. Only then, can I show up with my whole being, in my life, not just on stage, in my teaching & healing- and protect what is sacrosanct and be unafraid to give all of me. Only then can the beauty of all that is possible be real and not just manufactured or conditional as a coping mechanism. A life of passionate abandon is our birthright. As beings in a Divinely guided system. But to live it fully, and be responsible for it, we have to clean the space for it: build a fertile foundation for ourselves and others where this divine condition: where our humanity- our ability to love and be loved can be nurtured & grow.
Posted on: Mon, 11 Nov 2013 08:32:07 +0000