Virginia News (April Fools Edition) Today, the Virginia House of Delegates voted unanimously to accept $2 billion in Federal funds to expand health care coverage for 400,000 uninsured Virginians. The plan now awaits Senate approval, which should occur within days. When asked about the reversal, the Speaker of the House conceded that he woke up the other morning and suddenly asked himself — “What the hell are we thinking? Why would we reject this free money which can support our hospitals and working poor? Why not use state tax dollars to actually pay state employees?” According to inside sources, the Speaker confronted his own House Republican caucus on this issue, after his change of heart. In an emotional scene closed to the press, the House leadership argued with the Speaker, then broke down in tears as they recognized that their continuing refusal of Federal funds was not just self-defeating, but actually a bit weird. Eventually, the Caucus dispute was resolved by a “pinky promise” and “group hug,” although details are still sketchy. Learning about the Republicans’ apparent resolution of the impasse, Senate Majority Leader Dick Saslaw immediately responded: “When I arrived here in 1976, there was a old guy from Southside named Harry Smith. We called him ‘Old Bones’ … hold on, what was the question again?” Meanwhile, Governor McAuliffe was at a loss for words. He referred all inquiries to political scientist Larry Sabato, who forwarded them to the political insider formerly known as “Not Larry Sabato.” The Richmond press corps anticipated this story and comprehensively reported it, within minutes of it taking place. Film at 11!
Posted on: Tue, 01 Apr 2014 13:03:37 +0000
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