WARNING: Rant ahead! It has been brought to my attention that my post last week in regards to no make up selfies was found to be offensive by some that were posting them. In regards to the message I received from someone- I am sorry I hurt your feelings by posting my opinion of them. Huge kudos to those who posted their make up free faces,apparently it does take more bravery than I thought. I try to live my life in regards to WHAT YOU DONT KNOW and here are some things perhaps you are not aware of- YOU are Beautiful!!! And NO amount of make up is going to change that- True beauty comes from the inside- not from a bottle! Now, from a cancer patients point of view- when your life is inside out and upside down- make up is the last thing on your mind! When you are required to take preventative meds -that cause you to increase your body weight by 80-100lbs its horrifying(along with a host of other side effects)- when you shake someones hand and your freaking nails come off in theirs and all you can do is apologize (while inside your seething with embarrassment & resentment at this dreadful disease). Brushing or washing your hair- and having it come out in clumps or waking up to find more on your pillow than on your head- just imagine for one second how you would feel waking up to that! And its not just your hair- your face is now bloated twice its normal size from steriods- your eyebrows disappear- your lashes fall out- and can take up to 3 years to fill back in leaving your face looking hollowed and sparse. At this point- LIFE as you know it is gone- there is no point of return- you look in that damn mirror and you dont even recognize yourself. Yet you trudge on- push forward- try to stay on your feet (despite what your body feels) and you try to remain positive - which is harder to do when everything has changed so much and you feel like the world is against you while you deal with the emotions and grief of this disease. For the friend who said- its just breast cancer - you will get over it- yes - I am still extremely angry over that remark!- there is way more than one type of breast cancer- and having Triple Negative Breast Cancer- means a return rate of 60% in the first year following treatment- the fear, anxiety and grief for what you were once able to do or how you were before- is tremendous and does not leave you at all, no matter how much you try to keep busy or change things. For those that say- youre all done and you should bounce back by now- so and so had it, went through it and blah blah! - Treatment is based individually- my chemo had to be completely reformated because I have a latex allergy and that in itself caused more problems. The meds I took have caused more damage despite the good they do. I was given 8 pages of possible side effects that 1/100 women go through during treatment- not only did I hit everyone of them, I actually added new ones to the list that have the drs lost and pondering. I fight with myself each day to move- so please dont tell me how I should feel or what I should be doing. As much, as I wouldnt wish this disease on anyone- some days for just 5 minutes- I wish I could touch some people and transfer this hell to someone elses body. I could go on and on, with the things I have had to deal with this last year, and the important lessons I have learned- but really it all boils down to RAISING AWARENESS- if you want to do that- make a donation, read, read , read, what it is about- GO volunteer at the cancer center, BE there for those going through it, Support RELAY For LIFE! - GO get a mammogram! - Go, make a difference! Kudos to those that have read this far! I appreciate you taking the time and consideration. And before I jump off my soap box for today- I WISH with all my heart- that I could give you - one thing- the ability to see yourself through my eyes- YOU are beautiful!!! Make up is a form of self expression- YOU dont need it, its a comfort thing, an accessory- It doesnt change the beauty of you- inside or out! Believe in yourself - YOU are BE (YOU) t-ful!!!!
Posted on: Tue, 08 Apr 2014 19:19:26 +0000