WARNING: This is a long one. It is a story of how I see what I have learned in my running class. I dedicate it to my cousin Lamby McGuire and my guru friend Leanne Chester. You guys absolutely ROCK! Thanks for all the inspiration and cheerleading. It means the world to me. RUNNING CLASS IS REALLY A GIANT GAME OF SNAKES AND LADDERS 1. You see poster for running class on bulletin board at work. Read the poster MOVE AHEAD ONE POINT! 2. See the poster again, think “Hmmmm, maybe…..”. MOVE AHEAD ONE POINT! 3. See the poster for a third time, take down the email address. MOVE AHEAD FIVE POINTS! 4. Go home, send an email to the instructor asking to register. MOVE AHEAD TEN POINTS! 5. Find the “perfect” outfit to wear for your first EVER running class. MOVE AHEAD AT LEAST TEN POINTS! 6. Attend first running class (You are full of doubt, you tried to find every excuse to not go, the weather isn’t great, etc., but you went anyways) MOVE AHEAD TWENTY POINTS! 7. In the gym, you are shocked, horrified and traumatized to see a herd of gazelles breeze in and proceed to make teams (Not including you, because you are, after all, in an elementary school gym and you never got picked in any of those before, either …. Sniff ….). You watch them engage in gazelle-like games where they jump (with great ease) over each others’ legs and no-one is huffing and puffing or emerges with a broken leg. YOU ARE PARALYZED – DON’T MOVE AHEAD, DON’T SLIDE DOWN A SNAKE! 8. You slowly back out of the gym and you run – even though you have never run before in your life – but you run back to your car like your life depends on it and you cry all the way home …. Sniff … YOU SLIDE DOWN THE SNAKE BY FORTY POINTS! 9. You are crying so hard that when you call your husband to report on your EPIC FAIL of a first running class, his first question is, “Oh my God, Honey, what happened? Who died?” ANOTHER SNAKE, ANOTHER 10 POINTS LOST! (Note that you are now at MINUS THREE POINTS!!!) 10. You email the instructor, apologizing for having wasted her time with your previous correspondence, but this is really not the class for you. ANOTHER SNAKE, ANOTHER FIVE POINTS! 11. The (very kind, patient and compassionate) instructor informs you that you got the wrong time and what you really witnessed was the ADVANCED class and not your beginner class. A FIFTH SNAKE, ANOTHER FIVE POINTS (Your not-so-compassionate friend tells you, “See, you didn’t fail running. You failed reading!! Now, which one is worse?”) 12. Your Instructor makes time in her calendar to meet with you and you agree to go. MOVE AHEAD FIVE POINTS! 13. You actually show up!!! MOVE AHEAD TEN POINTS! 14. You run and walk and run and walk, etc. etc. and your lungs don’t explode, you don’t have a heart attack and you make it back to the beginning in one piece! MOVE AHEAD TWENTY POINTS! 15. You show up at the correct class time the following Wednesday and run and participate and you are actually smiling when you are done! MOVE AHEAD THIRTY POINTS! 16. You feel emotional that you have actually done something you have never ever done before in your life!!! MOVE AHEAD TEN “AWWWW” POINTS! 17. You go home and register on-line for your first 5k run (Cause if you can run for two minutes then you can run 5K, right?) MOVE AHEAD TWENTY POINTS! 18. You are feeling like a superhero and you attend a fitness class that leaves you crippled for a week with legs that feel like ancient redwood trees anchored to the ground YOU ARE PARALYZED – DON’T MOVE AHEAD, DON’T SLIDE DOWN A SNAKE! 19. The following week, there is a blizzard. You don’t care if anyone else is going to class, you’re not! That’s for crazy people! MOVE BACK 10 POINTS FOR NOT GOING AND THEN AHEAD 10 POINTS FOR NOT BEING CRAZY! 20. You go on your first homework run (cause homework has never been your thing). MOVE AHEAD FIVE POINTS! (You lost points for waiting three weeks to do your homework) 21. You don’t feel any embarrassment when a one-legged man on a unicycle towing a trailer full of bricks (this description is a fictional metaphor for everyone who passes you on the trail) whizzes by you at lightning (actually a reasonable) speed. MOVE AHEAD TEN POINTS! 22. When you tell your Mom that you are taking a running class and making some positive life changes and she says, “Well, you’re not going to go all muscle-y are you?” you choose not to hang up on her. MOVE AHEAD FIVE POINTS! 23. You start to haunt the fitness aisles at Winners. You buy a cute “running hat” – cause the extra eight ounces of a regular hat will slow you down. MOVE AHEAD A HALF POINT! (It’s a hat, get over it ….) 24. On your next homework date, you feel great because your husband – who normally notice NOTHING – and who is running behind you says, “Wow, from behind, I can really tell that you’ve lost some weight!” Okay, that is a compliment in case it really doesn’t sound like it to you … MOVE AHEAD FIVE POINTS! 24. Gingerly, you walk into The Running Store for the very first time. Alarms do not go off indicating “Imposter invading!” The people are helpful. They are kind. They don’t laugh at you. They are encouraging. You buy new insoles for your shoes. You think, “I will come back here!” MOVE AHEAD TEN POINTS! 25. You are moving along the local running path one day and some kids look, point and giggle. You feel defeated. After the next turn, you slow to a walk and drag your feet home. You let someone elses attitude ruin yours. SLIDE DOWN THE SNAKE BY 30 POINTS! 26. The next week, you are moving along the local running path one day and some kids look, point and giggle. You smile, wave and say, “Stay tuned, I will be burning up this path in a couple of months, boys!” They give you the thumbs up and one actually runs up to give you a high five. You are elated. MOVE AHEAD 50 POINTS! 27 You try your first running class on a “wilderness” trail. You do a great job – which means you survived. MOVE AHEAD TEN POINTS! 28. Following your instructor’s guidance, you keep your eyes up and off your feet. Good job! However, you trip and fall, swallow some dirt and, worse, get your “perfect” running outfit all muddy. YOU SLIDE DOWN THE SNAKE BY TWENTY POINTS! (But at least you tried!) 29. Although you have missed classes, rode out a couple of uncomfortable injuries, felt shaky, breathless, and, at times, completely out of your element, you have liked your experience. MOVE AHEAD TEN POINTS! 30. Actually, you have loved your experience. You know that you still aren’t where you want to be, but you believe to the core of your being that running is now part of your life. When you don’t go, your body whispers, whines and sometimes shouts, “Take me out! I need exercise!!!!” WELL, DING, DING, DING, YOU HAVE SCORED A THOUSAND POINTS!! MORAL OF THE STORY: There will always be snakes along the path, but at least now you can out-run them. THE END
Posted on: Fri, 30 May 2014 16:49:14 +0000
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