WARNING! This post has swearing in it. Read at your own risk of offense. THE THING ABOUT HEARTBREAK He didnt love you did he? I know. I know that you thought that he could, thought he would, but you were wrong. How could you be wrong? You saw the way he looked at you, felt the way his hands.... His hands. They were nice. Strong, slightly weathered, with enough rough to want... You wanted it to be more than hands, but it was not. It wasnt what you thought, but then how did you become confused when he told you all along. What was it that he told you? Truth or were they lies? Your time together, all those moments, were any of them real? Youre back to hands again, remembering them as he held your hair and then your hips. Kisses, gentle, sweet: he was sweet before winter came to freeze the bees and then the honey. The bees died when the flowers went. There was time he brought you flowers, or was that just something you hoped for? Did he ever bring you flowers? Does it even matter now that there is no honey, nothing left to taste but bitter. The bastard took the sweet and he is that. He is a bastard, a scoundrel, a tool. You were nothing more than a pawn, or so you think, my pretty little fool. Its agony, the betrayal of good-bye. To know that you were tried and then passed on Thanks, but no thanks. Like there should be some gratitude. F*ck off. Go f*ck yourself. F*cking dick. You f*cking prick. F*ck. F*ck. F*ck The agony is obscene and I know it well. Ive withered and cried, wished to be buried, fit to be tied. Strangled. Ive known pain so tight I could not free myself to even one breath that came like I should be doing it. Quit breathing... Ive willed myself to stop and yet, my heart keeps beating. Put your finger on that pulse. You out there in heartbreak. Put your finger on that pulse and feel the beat of life going on despite it being over and it is. The life you think you had with him is over, but what was there before him? Are you remembering more pain because I assure you that its there and you can let it be the focus of every new beginning, but then you will miss the point. This is a new beginning, another chapter. What you are doing isnt fair and yes, I know that you cant help it. You are not being fair to yourself beautiful you. This misery, like your legs have been smashed with hammers so that youll never walk tall again. He chose you in the beginning, just as you chose him. The fault truly lies in the stars. It was destiny that denied you. If he is truly a cad, what does that say about your judgement and if you were not his chosen then why, why should you deserve to be rejected? You didnt say no to him... Maybe you should have. Maybe thats what he wanted all along. Maybe he wanted you to see that he is not deserving so that he doesnt need to try. Did you think he intended to? Thats the thing about heartbreak. We fall in love imagining that we are loved in return and for the most part we are. I am sure that he loves you to the want of your eventual happiness. He just cant be the cause of it. He doesnt want to be the reason you hurt either. What man wants to be the burden of making a beautiful woman cry and you are beautiful. Dont you remember the way he looked at you. It was your beauty that drew him in just as life made him realize that he couldnt be yours. .... because hes hers?.... We imagine there is someone else when we are told good-bye. Or at least I have in the past only to learn that I was wrong. I knew a man once who tried to explain, Amber.. he said with a sigh. What am I going to do with you? You are adorable... You could love me... I suggested. We like each other... Im not hard to look at.. Im amazing in bed... I live far enough away that youll have enough space... I cant he said, kissing me on the forehead. I dont want to hurt you and I dont want to say good-bye, but I cant. Im not open to it. I cant be in that place right now. I never saw him again, but I called him a year later after the next guy broke my heart. He was happy to hear from me, but nothing had changed. There have been girls. Hell, Im sure that half of them hate me now Amber. I just cant. Im focused on my business, and my boys. Oh... and we got a kitten. I laughed and made a pussy joke. Then I laughed and made another. Thats the thing about heartbreak. Its funny because we take it so personal when it rarely is. I remember feeling lost, unsure of my own worth. I couldnt for the life of me just let it be something other than my fault. If only I could be different. He didnt want me to be different. He wanted to be alone, or with someone else, and yes he is searching, but then how could he not when the fault is there. The fault is in the stars. Make a wish. This lifetime is yours. Love it. Love it as large as life, open to years. Maybe you werent meant for one great love story. Maybe you were meant for many. Smile because it happened, but please, smile. You look most beautiful when you smile. If you liked this post. You are welcome to share it. Written By: Amber Garibay For anyone who can relate youtube/watch?v=Mv4otuFvZcc
Posted on: Sun, 21 Sep 2014 02:16:08 +0000
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