WHEN FEAR IS MISTAKEN FOR RESPECT I believe it is Blair Waldorf who once said that you cannot make people love you, but you can make them fear you. Whether this fear is of the respectful kind or leans more towards the shaky knees, life-flashing-before-your-eyes kind is for us to decide. Seeing as how her character in Gossip Girl took a sinister delight in making the lives of both friends and foes awful, we can deduce that when she uttered those words, Blair meant the cowardly sort of fear. Sadly, a lot of people in the real world also mistake this sort of fear for respect. All too often. I remember this particular maths teacher we had way back in primary school who was friendly with the cane, to put it mildly. We were all so scared of him, it was a hassle to even get up to ask for his permission to go use the washroom. A male friend with whom I shared a desk and I made a game out of the terror he inspired in us. We would infect each other with the need to go. This is to say, depending on whether he or I would start, the end result would be the two of us sitting there, clasping our knees and writhing, daring each other to ask for permission to use the loo, both of us too afraid to ask the teacher. Needless to say, our weird friendship thrived. However, our bladders suffered badly. Fear and respect are two different terms often mistakenly used synonymously. Fear is unnatural. It paralyses the mind as it does the senses. It renders us helpless in our cause to fight for ourselves. It is pretty evil, now that I think about it. Respect, on the other hand, is completely natural. Paying your dues to those you ought. It strengthens us, giving us the courage to speak for ourselves even when our senses tell us not to — provided we follow the right protocol. Respect is not only a worldly virtue, it is also a divine one. What I have been thinking about over the past few days is the manner in which respect is fostered in our society. Take the way some security guards act around us. They really go all out in upping their intimidation abilities by bulging their eyes and barking orders just so we can dance to their tune. It is upsetting because not all of us are terrorists or armed criminals. A thought hit me as I sat in a class recently, trying to come up with the best way to excuse myself from the room in the face of a particularly strict lecturer. My mind wandered around the same point: Why should I excuse myself? Surely, such restrictions went out at around the same time as I came of age? I then realised that because of the embargoes put on us on how we should act, we are naturally inclined to go against those rules. In our minds, we are convinced that following the rules is either a sign of weakness or selling out. On the other hand, not following the rules is a sure way to get yourself into trouble. The thing about respect is the knowledge that by putting yourself down, you are beyond a shadow of a doubt raising yourself up. Acknowledging the worth of another human being to be treated as they should is at the same time acknowledging to yourself that you too wish to be treated in the same way. In other words, it is an acceptance of your own worth. Truth is, it is easier to make people fear you than it is to make them respect you. Inciting fear in people is an archaic way to cause them to do what you want them to. Earning their respect is a painful step-by-step process, the fruits of which are sweeter than anything else. In conclusion? Fear nobody. Respect everybody. If you must fear any being, let it be God, none other. And for goodness’ sake, do not let your bladder suffer because of your faint heart.
Posted on: Wed, 10 Jul 2013 14:41:42 +0000
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