WHERE NOAH ACCORDING TO HOLLYWOOD WENT WRONG Hoo, where do I begin... I am a Christian and I enjoy the Bible. I think the history of Noah was amazing. And I was pretty stoked to see the movie appear in theaters and liked to support it. Constantly had theories in my head on how that wouldve played out and yeah, that would make a killer movie. But after watching it, I can only say that Hollywood... really needs to read the Bible. The general concept stayed true somewhat. Noah is spoken to by God that the pure-evil world is gonna be flooded and that he needs to make an ark, save the animals and his family, and ride out annihilation. Points for them staying on topic, but thats where it ends. What went wrong: --Fallen angels in the Bible are the 1/3rd of the angelic population that followed Satan in rebellion against God. They rallied against the heavens, and their punishment was being sent into the earth. Instead, Noah interpreted the fallen angels as tragic heroes that left heaven to help mankind and were cruelly transformed by God into golems. wat. --Methuselah is indeed Noahs grandfather. Hebrew records do indicate he lived shortly until the great floods occurrence. He probably did like berries. This the movie got right. He probably did even meet Noahs children and performed feats considered to be almost miraculous. However, the movie did not show that the signs performed by Methuselah were to give glory to God. You basically get the wondrous feats without any explanation, as if Meth is basically Gandalf the Gray and is waving magical fingers around and poof things are happening. This is never how the miracles worked. Glory was always given to God and the feat was always attributed to our God. The only indication of anything even remotely being the work of God was the scene where Shems wife was healed of something, not gonna spoil. That be it, yo. --On that very day Noah and his sons, Shem, Ham and Japheth, together with his wife and the wives of his three sons, entered the ark. Genesis 7:13. In Noah though, the possible wife of Ham was killed by human stampede, the wife of Japheth did not exist because he was a juvenile, and the birth of two daughters by Shems wife leaves you wondering if there was incest involved somewhere down the line. --Every living thing on the face of the earth was wiped out; people and animals and the creatures that move along the ground and the birds were wiped from the earth. Only Noah was left, and those with him in the ark. Genesis 7:23. In Noah though, someone survived! And survived until the day the dove came back with the olive branch! And even tried to kill him! And died trying!! WAT?!?! --Apparently twins can be conceived and born within 150 days!!!!?! --Apparently fallen angels help people-- wait, reiterating myself again. But apparently thats how the ark was built DURING THE SPAN ABOUT 10 YEARS. BECAUSE THEY WERE HELPED BY DEMONS. (Keep in mind that this was an age before the time when God commanded that man did not live more than 120 years. People regularly lived 700+. Estimates point that the ark was probably built in about, uh, 100+ years.) --Apparently when demons ask God for forgiveness as they die they go to heaven as a normal angel. I can get behind this. I actually can. Blood of Christ and character of our God. But the demons fell to earth in rebellion against God and thus would hate mankind and would not want to be welcomed into Gods arms. This is not in their character. They would not do this. No. --Also you apparently can kill a demon if you shoot/stab it enough. --They would also not be defending the last bastion of them and putting their lives on the line for them against hordes of evil people. --They would also not play hide and seek with children for good purposes. --Pretty sure even the evil people wouldve been smart enough to cook their food. Raw food isnt really that good and, yknow, people actually die from it. Also how did that guy not die from eating a snakes head raw? And I can understand evil people ripping animals apart period but seriously do you have to show it just to tack on unneeded violence? --Noah was not a vegetarian, and actually regularly sacrificed animals in repentance and to please God. Im sure he did like berries though. Everyone likes berries. --The mental conflict Noah had was interesting but Im pretty sure attempted-baby-killer-while-on-ark would have been noted in Scripture, being pretty much a big deal. Also Noah, you are not Abraham. --Sixth day showing fish and critters and monkeys and then seventh day showing man? I see what you did there. And I dont think that was in the Book! --Apparently some rocks spark profusely and ignite when struck by... anything. Look out gunpowder, I think you just got one-upped by a non-existant-but-common resource. --Snakeskins werent likely used in transfer of birthright and they certainly didnt have magical glowy powers when wrapped around your arm. I would think folks wouldve avoided snakeskin actually, considering serpent in the garden and all. --Ham is actually supposed to be the youngest brother, not Japheth. In the movie, Ham probably has a good 5 years on Japheth if not more. --Also Ham was cursed for ignoring his fathers nakedness, and his descendants cursed to live under Shems. In the movie, apparently Noah doesnt give a crap. --God talked a lot more in the actual sum of events. In the movie, I think you can pretty much sum up Gods lines in Im gonna kill the world, build a giant wooden box and Here, has a rainbow. --There is more but Im getting tired of ripping this a new one. Possible improvements: --Less unneeded animal slaughter, seriously. --God is not an irrationally angry God. He is a righteous God. --Make demons be demons. They are not tragic heroes. --Stick to story events. --You dont need to Ham (ahahaha i maed joke) up the events. Be realistic. The last fight at the end was dumb. ...I think Im done.
Posted on: Sun, 30 Mar 2014 02:20:53 +0000
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