WINGATE & FINCHLEY 0-2 WEALDSTONE A blazing argument ensued prior to last night’s encounter with Wealdstone between Milfy Tom and myself, following our recent successes on the pitch with a bread based treat hanging from the stand Tom thought we should escalate the attendance frequency of the said bread based treat to include midweek games. I naturally argued that sandwiches / rolls / bagels / toasted teacakes etc at this level are rather like players and due to other commitments can’t always make midweek games. In the end following some lengthy negotiations we came to an acceptable compromise and as a consequence Milfy Tom and I were to be found just prior to kick off hanging former Weymouth and Kettering Town chairman George Rolls from the stand behind the goal that the Blue Gods would be attacking in the first half. With the pod-father and I currently indisposed the responsibility of hanging up the other flags behind the goal fell upon the shoulders of Sharky unfortunately Sharky was having some severe erection problems and his final effort was limp in the extreme. Martin quite rightly pointed out to Sharky that he wouldn’t feel safe sailing with him, I’m not sure if such an eventuality would ever occur. Maybe if we ever play Guernsey away. A very solemn and respectful minutes silence was held prior to the match to commemorate the unfortunate passing of the two birds. Bob Crow and Lee Finch, both of them were taken from us far too young. Bob Crow of course met his maker via a well publicised heart attack, the details surrounding the death of Finchy are slightly more complicated. His rotting corpse was discovered tied to a chair, clad in nothing but a loin cloth in the basement of Madame Woo’s Thai Massage Parlour in Swiss Cottage. At least he died doing what he loved best, moaning whilst secretly enjoying himself. As the dangling George Rolls rotated slowly in the wind the game kicked off with The Blue Gods on the front foot Josh Kennet roasted his full back and made it to the bye line and put in a decent cross unfortunately Albert Ross’ buddy holly fell into the waiting arms of Jonathan North. Despite the early possession we couldn’t break the deadlock and the visitors began to gain a foothold in the game, two headers failed to trouble Bobby Smith and Tim Pett drilled a shot in the general direction of Falafel. Wealdstone’s eventual goal arrived from an unlikely source a fortunate Rick O’Shea saw Bentley home in on goal from an acute angle, Freyda’s dog made absolutely no mistake with a delicately snouted ball past Bobby Smith to hand the visitors the lead just before half time. With a great many games taking place tonight around the Ryman Premier League Davros Jr did his best to keep the crowd up to date with the latest happenings around the grounds at half time via the tannoy system, unfortunately due to the fact that he was shouting into an electric razor his message wasn’t particularly audible. Once again Sharky suffered from similar erection problems at half time that he had endured during the first half, eventually Matt had to schlep over and help him with his rather limp offering until it was fully erect and waving proudly in the North London sky. Some fridge banged in number two for The Stones to double their lead within a couple of minutes of the restart who then proceeded to professionally nullify the game. Daniel Nielson attempted to shuffle his pack in a bid to get back into the game despite the relative lack of experience on the bench when he pulled off Wrighty, The Beard and Albert Ross, to be replaced by Nipper, Sesame and Axel Foley. Axel Foley’s entrance onto the pitch was slightly unconventional when he was thrown through a glass window onto the playing surface by unused subs Danny Hart and Joe Sharpe as The Dancing Barrister played the theme to Beverly Hills Cop on the kazoo in the main stand. Tom Patt should have made it three late on but was thwarted by the two Boobies, first Aisien and then Smith with the goal at his mercy. With Enfield Town winning at home to Harrow, Saturday’s visit from Bury Town takes on extra importance. Lets hope they bring Brian Blessed Son, the best beard in The Ryman League. The Blue Gods: 1-Bobby “Glenn Miller Museum” Smith 2-Bobby Aisien 3-Paul “Ooooo it’s a waffle” Wright 4-Ola Sogbanmu 5-Ahmet “Breast Of A Man” Rifat 6-Marc Weatherstone 7-Josh “Sgt Lairdy” Kennett 8-Tommy Tejan-Sie 9-Anton “Albert Ross” Olondo 10-Chris “Control The Controllables” Watters 11-Spencer “Attack The Confusion” McCall Subs: 12- Jack Read 14-Kieran “Cleveland Steamer” Street 15-Joe “Sharky vs Flag” Sharpe 16-Danny “Hot Karl” Hart 17-Joe “Banana In The Tail Pipe” Foley The Dump It Long MOTM – Bentley, well taken goal by our four legged friend Attendance – 265 (1 Kopek, 1 Hairy PILF and Rob minus his son)
Posted on: Wed, 12 Mar 2014 13:45:39 +0000
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