WOW!!! Spent 4 1/2 hours yesterday at a psychiatric office to be evaluated for my pain stimulator. Took personality tests and found that yes, I still need help!!! LOL!!!! I have had issues with depression for years and although some of it is a chemical imbalance in my brain, much of it is being raised in an era of the baby boomer. I have learned that my parents did the best they could with who they were and with what they had. I didnt have any worse experiences than most kids did and that it was up to me to take care of me and that I myself was responsible for my own actions. In the far distant past I did a lot of personal work on Inner Child issues and that seemed to be something that I could understand. Little Wanda was and still is a mess !!!!! But I love her and nurture her regardless of how she feels!!!! Now that being said, I found out yesterday that emotional and mental pain are only part of her realm and that my physical pain rests there, too. We can go to physicians and physical therapists and chiropractors and the miscellaneous assortment of medical professionals and they can adjust and manipulate our bones and muscles to the best of their ability, but it is up to us to heal ourselves. And that is the crux of the matter! I am responsible for my pain!!! Sure, there is the physical aspect of broken trails between the bones and muscles but as they heal and after they heal, it is up to me as to how I deal with the aftermath. One amazing thing I learned is although we may have the genetic predisposition to cancer, major stressors in our lives and how we deal with them can kickstart cancer to grow, usually within an 18 month time period. Case in point, I lost my ability to work at a profession I loved, home health nursing, in July of 2001, because of a degenerative back disease and then major surgery in my lower back in 2003. Pain had become a central point in my life; within 6 months they found the ovarian cancer that had been growing for an unknown period of time. I was amazed!!!! And pain is still a central focal point for me and my health continues to deteriorate as I have surgery after surgery to repair a bone structure that receives very little love and I admit it -care. I do what I want to do, when I want to. I dont exercise, I eat poorly, I sleep at irregular times, I have absolutely no healthy relationship with my physical needs. Little Wanda is running wild and out of control!!! I need to learn how to nurture Little Wanda who is in physical pain as much as I do when she is in emotional pain. That I CAN do!!!!! I am not sure where to start, but start I will with small changes. I will keep you updated on my journey. This is for me, but I have found that for all the junk we see on Facebook, there is also a family. One that listens whenever we need them, regardless of the time of day or night. And I care for this unexpected family that loves me regardless of who or what I have become. And for this, I am thankful! Wish me luck!
Posted on: Sat, 02 Nov 2013 15:26:33 +0000