Waiting to perform spoken word poetry last night in front of a group of academics, writers and people I admire-- my heart was pounding in my chest. I havent done a spoken word performance since before I got pregnant with Lola. It was one of the things that sort of fell off along the way, that Im happy to invite back. I did all the things I know how to do. I grounded myself. I did what I needed to to prepare. I re-framed my nerves as excitement, and even power. But I was still sitting there with sweaty palms and my heart beating out of my chest and into my ears. And I think I killed it. The overly-critical of myself part of me wants to refine some parts. Edit again. Be bigger next time. But I stood up in front of what felt like an important audience and just trusted that I was enough, that my voice is enough, and that if Im invited to speak-- there is a place for my voice in the room. More than losing weight or getting healthy or feeling comfortable in my skin-- the idea that my voice is enough and matters was a big hurdle for me to cross. I wasnt ready. I dont feel 100% ready for anything I do these days. I just keep jumping with both feet into the next thing, following with blind faith that this all leads where its meant to. So Im proud of me today. And breathing a big sigh of relief. #didit
Posted on: Fri, 23 May 2014 17:49:08 +0000
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