Walking out of the store and not being able to find my car scares me. Heights scare me. Fire really scares me. The dark...it sometimes scares me. Answering my phone to a unknown cell phone number to hear that my son has been in an accident, where he only knows his name and a few things about himself, and that there is a lot of blood. Thats pretty effin scary. Driving to Zanesville to the hospital trying to keep my shit together because I have an 8 year old with me in his jammies, scary. Sitting in an ER not knowing what the hell is going on or what is taking the squad so long is scary. Knowing my son is with strangers in the back probably scared and in pain is scary. Hearing over the intercom that the trauma 2 is almost there is scary. Waiting is really scary. Talking to God for legit reasons is scary. When they come to get the mom is scary. Leaving my 8 year old with security because he doesnt need to see this is scary. Walking, what seems to be like forever, down twists and turns, when all you want to do is run to your child is scary. Getting to the red curtain not knowing what it looks like on the other side is really really really scary. Seeing your son laying there with so much blood everywhere, with people running around and feeling so small and helpless is not only heartbreaking but scary. Hearing hes really lucky, weve lost people for this is probably the scariest thing Ive ever heard in my life. Ive never been so scared before in my life. Im a hot mess right now and cant stop crying. Partially because Ive been up since 4:30am Wednesday. Some would think it would be a crappy way to ring in a new year but its probably been the best to date. I could have lost my son tonight...on my birthday....and I didnt. Im laying in bed with him right now unable to sleep and just watching him sleep. How lucky am I? Ive learned so much about life and the amount of love Im capable of feeling in the past 6 hours and how absolutely grateful I am for my boys. So 2015, bring it. Teach me more..on life and love and strength. As for Jake. Hes sore. Lots of staples and stitches and scratches and bruises. His has no broken bones or damage to his brain. His brain is on a break for right now. No tv, reading, cell phones, physical activity,mental stimulation, anything that would require his brain to work. He has to go to a speech therapy and physical therapy, and a concussion course to see where hes at and what needs to be done as far as treatment. Hes pretty grumpy about it all because he feels fine. Dont think he realizes the seriousness of it all yet. Heres to Jake for a few rough days ahead of him when the trauma all sets in. As for me, Im pretty damn lucky that I am gonna be able to have to take care of him even when hes being stubborn. This all was pretty traumatic on me. Thanks for all the calls, texts, and messages. Im overwhelmed with gratitude. Much love to you all.
Posted on: Thu, 01 Jan 2015 12:03:37 +0000
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