Want a sneak peak of chapter 6 of my book, Free to Be You: Rules To Live By? As you begin practicing this concept, one of the first skills you begin developing is greater awareness, and a deeper embodied interaction. Our bodies are the one thing that never lie. In order to figure out if you are a yes, no, or maybe, the best place to look is inward, start to pick up on the clues your body is telling you. Slight sensations, warmth, cool toes, heart beat accelerating, holding your breath, head foggy, gut reaction….and the list goes on and on. If it feels “good” you are probably a yes, if it feels unpleasant you are probably a no, and if the signals are confusing, it’s probably a maybe, which for now, treat as a no. My greatest example of this principle happened when I was ten years old. The most popular girl at school was having a slumber birthday party, usually we moved so much that I wasn’t around long enough in any one school to get invited to the popular hangouts, but for whatever reason, this girl invited me, me! From the moment the invitation was given two things happened almost simultaneously, a part of me felt queasy, knew it wouldn’t be in my best interest, but another part of me, the super stubborn side, buckled down for the long haul, that whatever it took, I was going to that party. My house being very religious, operated everything by prayer. My Mom asked me to go pray about it and if I had a good feeling, she would let me go, but she wanted me to take my eight year old sister as well. When I prayed about going, I had all sorts of alarm systems going off inside my body, my mouth was dry, I had a major headache developing, my tummy felt even worse, and it all intensified, because in that moment I knew in order to go to the party I would have to do something I never did, something I usually couldn’t even if I had wanted to, that was to lie. I practiced in front of the mirror, drawing on all the times I had felt good, and on all the ideas my imagination could conjure up about how amazing this party would be, and somehow I pulled it off, it was one of only two times I got away with lying to my Mom, (I tried a few others, but my non poker face always gave me away) and so she sent I and my little sister off for a night of our dreams. Oh it was a dream alright, a nightmare! From the moment we got there, the other girls picked on my sister, separated us into different rooms, and a whole other world was revealed to me. The parents were upstairs drinking and arguing most of the night, the girls had put on Cable with a movie about a serial killer who strangled women in public bathrooms (I had never seen a movie/tv show that would have been past a g rating. Even to this day I am wary of public bathrooms, always watching the tops of the stalls to make sure no wires are descending to strangle me.) I kept closing my eyes, but the girls would make fun of me and there was nowhere else to go. I finally “escaped” into sleep, but awoke to the girls dipping my fingers in warm water, trying to get me to pee. It was pretty late by that time, the girls all wanted to go outside and toilet paper the neighbors yards, and cars. My sister wanted to go, so I ventured outside. We were a bunch of giggling pre-teens, it wasn’t ten minutes later when the birthday girl’s dad came outside, threatening us all back inside with a rock salt pellet gun. He shot one round into the ground, and needless to say, the cops were called, all the parents were called, including my Mom, and I was not allowed another sleepover until I was 15! It was a valuable lesson, and if I would have had rule number 5, the instant I felt conflict come up in my body, it would have signaled that I was a maybe, so it would have been a world easier to just say, “no” at the beginning, than have to find my deep no in the middle of the activity. The best part about this practice, is that over time you begin to develop muscle memory, just as you do working out at the gym on a regular basis, in becoming more aware of your body’s responses to requests and invitations, it becomes easier and easier to check in and recognize what your body is telling you. Your yes becomes stronger, you’re no more powerful, and you get a great sense of what a maybe feels like to you.
Posted on: Tue, 18 Nov 2014 23:35:34 +0000
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