Warning: This is a LONG post. Read it anyway! LOL I cant even describe how I feel right now. I CANNOT!!! LOL. Last night I had a dream that hit on a sore spot...woke up knowing it was a distraction but wasnt sure why until I picked up my phone. Now usually when I see I have a bunch of messages in group me im instantly annoyed..and that mindset coupled with the dream I had would have been enough for me to miss God for my WHOLE day... Anyway, pick up my phone to see all these encouraging messages from a group of about 48 women...and Im like who are these people??? Everything theyre talking about is something Ive silently been dealing with...I find a mutual friend Brieanna Sulaiman, and I begin to praise God for putting me on her heart, for her obedience in such a simple thing as adding me in a group chat. See, NO ONE knew that as I prayed yesterday I asked God for a group of women to connect with.No one really knows how much hell these last few weeks have been. Heck these last few months, at least I dont say it..im sure youve seen it though..at any rate this prayer I couldnt even say out loud. It was a freaking thought!!!!! And BAM just like that... It opened me to the true fact that God is ALWAYS listening! You know how you say things like that and you think you know lol until you really know!!! haha.. This morning I finally realized how bad my control issues REALLY were and I literally laughed and cried at the same time for about 30 min (a great ab work out if I may say so myself). I have been sooo emotional, so angry, worried, numb, just ready to drop everything and would you believe the root was my turning 25. See, by now according to MY plans I should be married with kids, have my masters and be in purpose full time. When everything began to go left at 22 I would always look to these plans I had made. And now that golden age is here and my life looks NOTHING like that I really didnt know what to do. It was like my last hold out when all my other picture perfect ideals crashed and burned. I never took the time to realize that you cant pencil in God!!! He knows whats best and His plan for my life is so much sweeter...I mean seriously my planner to me was how crack is to the crack head. Ill plan months in advance...because Im afraid.. But today..was so amazingly freeing...and I know its only the first day but this work has been building for a while now...and I believe that God can heal as fast or slow as he wants too..and Im free. Im on the other side!! And I want to encourage any one reading this..no matter the struggle...surrender to God. Commit it ALL to God...cross over to freedom
Posted on: Wed, 17 Sep 2014 17:54:10 +0000
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