We all go thru life with many ups and downs, and no matter how much we like to convince ourselves, we care how other people perceive us. We worry that their thinking is far out in left field of the way our life is really like. For those who have really known me thru the years have known that when I retired from teaching and coaching, I was leaving behind my passion. I didnt walk away because I wanted an early retirement, but I walked away because I just wasnt able to go. Its been 12 years since I retired, but the mental anguish at certain times of the year is sometimes overwhelming. When I look out the window each morning and see kids get on a bus or when each holiday rolls around I remember the excitement of being a teacher. When I see a kid in a sports uniform my heart bleeds of what my life use to be like. I use my sense of humor and laughter to hide behind my real world of pain. I was motivated to write this after church yesterday morning. My dad walked up to me and ask me how I was feeling. My.true response should have been, dad, I feel terrible, I hurt all over, but my response was, dad, Im doing OK. A dear friend and saint, Genny Luther, was standing behind my dad but looking at me reminding me that I was not being truthful. That stayed with me all day and all night. She was right. We often speak what we think people want to hear. I dont want piety. I just wish everyone understood those in pain. I found these words and oh how they fit me. I WISH I COULD TELL YOU, ABOUT THE DEPTH OF MY PAIN, ITS ALMOST NEVER ENDING, AND HARD TO EXPLAIN. I WISH I COULD TELL YOU HOW BROKEN I FEEL INSIDE, MY BODY JUST HURTS SO MUCH, BUT ITS EASY TO HIDE. I WISH I COULD TELL YOU, I CANT FUNCTION VERY WELL, DIFFICULT TO SOMETIMES GET AROUND, BUT NO-ONE CAN TELL. I WISH I COULD TELL YOU, BUT YOU WOULDNT UNDERSTAND, THAT I MAY HAVE TO ASK FOR A HELPING HAND. I WISH I COULD TELL YOU, HOW I HONESTLY FEEL, BUT YOU WOULDNT BELIEVE ME, THAT THIS PAIN IS SO REAL. Moral of story:If you know someone dealing with cancer or chronic pain, just know they are trying to be normal but live in a different world.
Posted on: Mon, 22 Sep 2014 22:20:36 +0000
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