We gather and the leaves are electric with the meteoric height of autumn. We have some victories. Some failures. An upswing, a crushing blow. Days pass and we dance on the turbulent thermals of hope and pain. We challenge reality. We fight it. The leaves go from scarlet to crimson, from cadmiums to ochres. We wait. We cry. We gamble. We listen. We disagree, not with each other, but with what we know is becoming true. We cry. Hard. We start to sadly agree. Hilarious things happen. Horrible things happen. We hold. Everything. You start to speculate. You lie to yourself and you tell yourself the truth. You look straight into her big brown eyes and say I love you over and over. A day comes with wind that blows nearly all of those leaves from the trees. You look at the cathedral and the trees on the hill from the window. She is looking at them too and you talk to her about it while she silently watches. You get hugged by nurses who are clearly affected by the people that keep showing up, by this amount of blatant love. You look at her and say this kind of love, this family, isnt lucked into. You have to build this. And you built this You get claustrophobic and feel guilty about it. You are uncertain of what to ever do without her. You admire him so much for staying with her until the very very end. You wonder with admiration if you have that in you. You love. You fall into each other. She leaves within the same 5 minutes that sky opens up and the first snow falls and it falls and falls. Suddenly its everywhere. You cling. You grasp and sob. Youve never felt so close and so far away. The three of you take turns holding the three of you. You sit in a hallway floor and make inappropriate jokes. You imagine. You dream. You hope. You end up with your whole family at your cousins beautiful house. There are so many new children and the scale of time is more clear. You toast. You look around in wonder. You wonder how you lucked into this miraculous family. Such an admirable family. You feel peace. You laugh. You feel more peace and you are thankful. You look outside and its still snowing and snowing and everything is covered in white.
Posted on: Wed, 06 Nov 2013 08:26:41 +0000
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