We had a big day planned for Saturday...Christine, Julz and I were going to head out only for about an hour for the green mare Cassidy. Christina and Suzanne planned on a 5 hour trail ride with a big group led by a seasoned trail master at the League. So we hit the hay. As usual, my bladder woke me up around 3:30 in the am so I headed outside. The bathrooms werent that far but the night was dark and quiet, no one was around at that time in the morning so I picked a spot, dropped trow, squatted and did what I came out to do. Now...those of you that have not reached the north side of 50, specifically 56 (closer now to 57) probably dont know that when a woman of this age squats, bad knees and all, the angle of your back and abdomen organs tend to push out any lingering bad air that might be locked up in the intestinal area. So yes...while I peed I farted. But who cares right? If anyone actually heard it, I am surrounded by horses...every which way you look there are horses and we all know how horses pass gas. Loudly without any inhibitions. I put the thought out of my mind, stood up, collected my sweatpants back up where they are supposed to be and decided, since I was up, I would check on the horses water. Went to Cassidy first on the end and sure enough her bucket was tipped over so I picked it up and turned around and froze. There to the left was our gentleman neighbor sitting outside his camper smoking. Under my breath came out and agonizing, oh my god. I quickly got on our side of the camper and started laughing, quietly mind you. I was imagining him seeing my lilly white ass, probably reflecting blinding white rays of light from the moon directly his way to brighten things up so he could see its pure beauty. Ha...what he did see was a lilly white ass only one that is 56 can have, struggling to stand up again from a squat. That wasnt pleasant as I do have to lean forward and push up off the ground. There was a full moon that night for him along with the natural gasses that a moon emits. I collected myself and proceeded to finish up giving the horses some water never even daring to glance over to see if he was still there, and then went back to bed. The rest of the weekend I mentally made a note to NOT make eye contact with this man ever again but yeah...that didnt happen. He kept talking to me.
Posted on: Mon, 04 Nov 2013 14:54:13 +0000