We often think of the bully as one who intentionally targets and harms another. It’s the 10 year old who is 6 foot tall, and takes everyone’s lunch money. His name is Butch, or Buford, or Scut and is the terror of the playground. Or, in this age of social media, we have the cyber-bully, who uses the dark anonymity of the ether to harass, threaten and malign someone. But what about the rest of us? We want to think that we are above such behavior, and wouldn’t even begin to ponder such activities. We would never, would we? Of course not! Well, not intentionally. That brings us to the “accidental bully” and most of us are probably guilty without ever realizing it. Well, sure, there was that one time that I was talking about so-and-so on my blog, but even though it is open to anyone with access to the internet, it is *my* page, and they’ll surely never know, right? It was just a harmless combination of letters to let off some steam. But what about that person’s feelings? Was that harmless little rant so harmless? Did it make us feel better about ourselves? Probably not. And there was that one time when I was sure my opinion was the right one, and wouldn’t hear otherwise. Mine is the only one that counts, right? That’s not being closed-minded! It’s just confidence in the formation of my perception. Yeah, that’s it. Surely, listening to another’s opinion isnt worth our time, so why bother? And it was *that* person’s fault, anyway. They say there is no such thing as coincidence, or accidents, or miscommunication or just random bad luck. Someone has to be at fault, don’t they? Shouldn’t the world know how that person messed up everything for everybody? Pointing fingers fixes all ills. Right? And how can you help but laugh at that hilarious attempt at costuming? What is that, a McCall’s Halloween pattern? It’s certainly not my job to sit them down and straighten them out. Do you have any idea how long it would take to strike up a conversation with them, and give them a couple of resources to get them on “the right path”? The simple truth is that we are all guilty of being a bully at times, albeit unintentionally. Sometimes it isn’t even as obvious as the above examples. Often, we don’t even realize we are doing it. We are the accidental bully. Sometimes we like to have a bit of drollery with that shy fellow in the group, to break them out of their shell. Often, this interaction can have the opposite desired effect. Be aware of the shyness of the introverted. Comments such as Boy, you dont talk much, do you? may seem harmless, and arent intended as such, but they can be intimidating to someone who is struggling to be part of a group. There are times when we ignore others, whether purposefully or not. We can build up non-physical barriers which are difficult to breach. We’ve spent a lot of time making the perfect period encampment, without a speck of the mundane world to be seen. We are so focused in recreating our dream that we fail to notice that newcomer staring from the road, wearing a t-tunic, jeans and sneakers. That person may be eager to learn all about our dream and is looking for ways to increase their experience, but the chance gets lost along with the newcomer. Perhaps if we were a little more aware of our surroundings, we can help others to expand themselves. There’s the new-ish person who is truly interested in that scroll we are working on, but we can lose the moment, and lose a potential future scribal laurel. We may even give them a brief recap of what we are doing, but we could do so much more. A page of your Bristol, a pencil, a couple drops of your cheapest paint and a few minutes of instruction, and they are on their way. We’ve all had those conversations with our companions, as we stroll along, that get deep and involved, and they often take all of our attention. We stroll past that group of newcomers without saying, “Good day!” We didn’t even know them, after all, so they probably didn’t even notice. You might be surprised how much they notice, and how much a simple little greeting can mean. Sure, these all seem like minor things, and are not anything that we’ve done on purpose, but they can have an impact on someone else’s enjoyment of our group. A simple acknowledgement can mean the difference between “what a bunch of snobs!” and “what an amazing group of people!” We don’t mean to be bullies. We certainly never intend to deliberately inflict pain on others. We’re just going about our business as normal. We assuredly meant no harm! Perhaps it was just the perception on the other person’s part? Dangit. There goes that finger again… Okay, so maybe, just maybe, we just might have become the accidental bully, without design, mind you! What do we do about it? The solution is actually pretty simple. Strive to be a little more aware. Say hello to that stranger you pass on the path. Notice that newcomer staring intently at what you are doing and invite them over to observe. Understand that the introverted are introverted, and will communicate when they are comfortable. Look for reasons to commend and compliment others, and make it a habit. Be careful when corresponding online - technology is terrible for communicating. Words can be misconstrued and context can be lost. And above all else, be kind. You never know how hard the road is that the other guy has to follow.
Posted on: Fri, 28 Mar 2014 07:00:04 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015