We ventured out this evening to Bike Blues and BBQ with Trevor...for Trev...now 95% of you reading this are probably saying oh thats so nice he was able to experience it...but thats not the case..see he has a traumatic brain injury...not only does it limit his mobility but his BRAIN as well...so lots of noise..lots of people ..not being able to filter out all the sights and sounds are more than overwhelming for him..now youre probably wondering why I took him...because I am his mom...I want him to be normal..I dont want him left out of things he already cant be a part of..seeing his face when I say its not a good idea...well...it breaks my heart...so we choose to go on Thur...not as packed...but still too packed...one year I bought Peyton a shirt that said my daddys tattoos are better than yours..because my brother Kyle had Peytons name on his arm...so I see the shirt..i smile to myself..but inside I am screaming...why!...why dont I have Kyle here anymore...why is my son not able to experience life like the rest of us?..why cant Courtney be here...and it all comes down to a choice made by a drunk driver..so now Im feeling angry...and sad...while trying to keep up with Chad as he leads the way for Trev...while watching Trev get upset and overwhelmed...two blocks from the car...I am in the middle of a packed sidewalk...screaming at my husband..who hasnt done anything wrong ..all while looking like some whacked out crazy lady...this people is my life...this is what its like everyday...everyone says Im strong...yet I dont see or feel it...I feel like my world stopped while everyones is still spinning...yet...as I sit here typing this I am filled with gratitude...for everything...for my husband just shaking his head..for Trev still being here with me..for the ability to write this...for everything...
Posted on: Fri, 26 Sep 2014 02:56:32 +0000
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