We were sent this suicide note from a veterans family and asked to please share it. The veteran was saved and is doing well in treatment. But something needs to change. I hate myself for not being able to get better. I have chosen many times NOT to take my own life. But I want the pain to stop. I wish I was stronger even though I dont know why. To live even longer in hell? Tortured by guilt, my memories, my nightmares? Yes, that makes me feel like a failure as I am trying to figure out how to turn my life around and cant. PTSD is not going away. It actually is getting worse by the day. I wonder who am I? I am a shell of a body that use to be me. I am a disabled Navy Veteran who suffers from severe PTSD. I have been told to “just get over it” and “it’s all in your head.” Since I returned home from serving my country, I have had to fight for everything. My disability claim, I fought for 3 years to receive that. I almost lost my house waiting. I am still waiting almost 3 years later for my kids to be added to my claim as dependents. I can no longer go to group with other veterans. I have been demeaned for service, my branch and MOS, called a Fobbit and POG by the other veterans, and was told many times I wasnt a real veteran because I was Navy and never engaged in combat. They have also insisted I can not have PTSD and it is people like me causing the VA backlog. I have my own hell and demons but in their eyes I am either a pussy or a faker. And now my service is being called into question. I was on a temporary assignment so my MOS does not reflect that. So now I am also being called a Poser. Battling the VA health care system and my PTSD was no surprise. But to have to battle the bullying and mockery of other veterans, my brothers in arms is a complete shock. I put on that uniform and honorably served my country just like they did until I was discharged. We were on the same team, or so I thought. With that I must say good-bye. Please dont be sad, their is nothing you could have done. I must end this images burned into my head. J. Allen
Posted on: Sat, 18 Jan 2014 19:46:09 +0000