Wednesday November 20th 3:06AM…. Well, this was started three days ago and while I’ve changed it twice, I am just going to put this out ‘as is’! It seems that at Haven for Hope (Ha! Ha!), the internet will allow me to connect to Facebook and my Email accounts without any hassle or frustration, though I am not usually one to work in the wee hours of the morning!! The only reason I am up now is that I woke at midnight and though I worked on two crochet projects, another baby blanket and a muffler, I still could not unwind!! The reason I am wound up is that yesterday afternoon when I got back from going to Walgreen’s for two prescriptions, and then Walmart for some much needed items and more food, one of the guards named Lt. Hernandez, who to me is another jerk along with a few other guys that continuously harass me and put me down for being slow! I am only slow due to the one chemical that’s going through my system 24/7 that has me tired much quicker than usual! Going to Walgreen’s was enough to tire me out to where I really just wanted to come back and relax in my room the rest of the evening, but I had a few things that I needed to get at Walmart, so instead of going out for just the trip to Walgreen’s and coming back, I had to make a day of it since going through the entrance shack with the guards is a hassle enough! I filled out an incident report, which is something that’s done every time a member is harassed by anyone else or something happens between two or more – a member and a guard or two or more members or a member and staff. Anyway, when I came in I put my grocery bags up on the counter along with my cart and just after I did, the guard told me to go ahead and put them on the table just the other side of the metal detector that we walk through so that he can inspect them easier than having to take them off the counter, et al. Very lazy on his part, but I did what he said and then went back around to start emptying out my pockets while taking off my suspenders, belt buckle, and watch. Then, as usual, I told him that my boots and fanny pack was going to set off the alarm since both have metal in them. He just waved me through and instead of just checking my fanny pack to see that there was the pump, extra batteries, tape, and the hazardous chemotherapy chemical, he bypassed my fanny pack and insisted I empty out my front pockets and turn them inside out. It puzzled me since I’ve never had to do that before, so instead of arguing the point and reminding him of his duty and what is usually done, I emptied out my front pockets onto the counter to show him that there was no metal in my pockets to set the alarm off, that again it was my fanny pack while I pulled it up again so he could see, but again he refused to look inside! He then wanted to go through my Medicine Pouch, which if any of you know, it is something sacred that no one is to know what’s inside unless you choose someone special and that you can trust or that is close to you in one way or another (Google ‘Medicine Pouch’ meanings and beliefs and that should tell you more about this Sacred item). I cringed as I tried to make sense of the situation, while wishing there was a way to have hidden or put it into another pocket of mine, like my back pocket, but it was too late!! I didn’t dare let him open it or it would ruin the special meaning it has for me, along with the protection I receive from it! He kept insisting that he look into it or I empty it out so that he could see what was in it and so I slowly fingered around in it and took out only the Crystal gemstone and another stone that was given to me, then as I showed them to him I said there was nothing more in it, when there actually was, but it was none of his business, while again, it was very sacred to me and has special meaning!! Well, not only did I feel violated and raped then, but I struggle with the same feeling currently which is what’s keeping me awake! Yes, I can believe the stupidity of a few of the male guards here, but to ignore me telling him that it was my fanny pack and what was inside, plus my boots that were going to set the detector off and him ignoring me while refusing to look into the fanny pack, it leaves me stunned as well as frustrated, raped, and violated, to name what’s on my mind at this time!!!! The lack of respect these guys have for some of us is beyond me! Another guard makes fun of me since I am slow due to the chemical and while I am trying to empty out my pockets into this basket so they can check the basket too to see what there is (and anything worth stealing, which I am witness to one guard stealing a sterling silver ring with diamonds, but he is still here), this guy takes away the basket before I am done, then tells me I am too slow and that I need to hurry up, then puts the basket back, then does his routine all over again, usually three times and even with a line of other members and volunteers waiting to get in; then harasses me again as I try to quickly empty out the basket while making sure no one takes anything of mine! It is so annoying while nothing is done when I have complained or filled out the incident reports! Another male guard had me strip off my belt then laughed at me as my pants fell to my ankles while making sick and nasty remarks to me! It was embarrassing enough as it was to have my pants fall, but then to be put down by another male guard was not helpful!! Another one insisted that I take off my fanny pack and leave it on the counter, then go through the metal detector, and even when I showed him how it was connected to my chest by the port, he said I was pulling his leg and that I needed to remove it before he would allow me in!! After ten minutes of his harassment, a line was building while other members were getting onto him that they wanted in and to leave me alone! He finally just waved me thorough, but let me know that he was going to do a thorough inspection of me the next time! I can barely wait until I am out of this ‘hell hole’ and no longer have to deal with the guards, or stripping, or inspections, or harassments, and as well, many of the other members that are so full of hate, plus users and loosers! While I sit in ‘my own room’ here at Haven, I found out yesterday during my chemotherapy session that my doctor decided to continue my treatments until March from what I estimate. He wants me to have 6 sessions while I am starting the 3rd session next Monday. On Monday, I will receive the two other chemicals into my system, along with the fanny pack chemical that’s with me 24/7 and gets changed every Monday. As I understood from our meeting last Thursday, my last treatment was going to be the week of Thanksgiving and it would be all done, but now it leaves me wondering. I continue to struggle with the pain in my right chest and side, while I feel like I might have cracked a rib when I coughed so hard one day. When I get to coughing it’s hard to stop while it doesn’t help the pain I already suffer from in that area of my chest and side!! My doctor did prescribe me some Flourinal, or something like that that’s a patch to relieve pain and goes on my chest while staying for 3 days to release medication, and is changed every three days, and I am with hope that Walgreen’s was able to fill it since with Medicaid, it has to be submitted to Medicaid first through the doctor, then pre-approved, then it can be filled!! In the mean time I have to deal with the extreme pain while Medicaid drags their feet while deciding if they want to approve it or not! There has been a few medications so far that Medicaid has refused to approve that I had to turn down since I could not afford them! Yesterday when I got back from my treatment, I stayed in my room the rest of the afternoon and night since it was a trek and the one chemical that’s going through my system 24/7 has me tired a lot quicker than I usually would be! I sure managed to get a lot of crocheting done though and worked on another baby blanket, along with a muffler and shawl. It’s a struggle as well to get going in the morning since I have to give myself a shot in the stomach of some blood thinner to help with the clot that may or may not be still in my left leg, then I relax for a few minutes and crochet or just sit against the heating pad since my back still hurts from falling on it a few weeks back and in order to see a chiropractor on Medicaid, I need to get an approval from my primary care doctor or a secondary doctor, then I can go. I just finished my primary care doctor’s baby blanket and will be making an appointment to go see her about my side, my back, and to give her the baby blanket with a congratulations! With the special unit on my chest at my port, it limits me to taking showers without fully covering it, so many days now I just take a sitz bath or PTA as my late granny called it (between the legs – to be polite – tits and armpits). I may not be as clean as I prefer since I enjoy taking showers, but it’s the safest I can do and will do for me since I really don’t do much except veg in my room if I stay here at Haven since at least 98% of the other members smoke and I avoid smoke, along with folks who have stinky clothes due to my cancer and my own preferences, and switch between doing things on my pc, crocheting, and watching a movie. I do shower on Sunday now since that is a day for me to go to church and I continue to change clothes every other day since I am a clean guy otherwise!! I know, probably ‘too much information or TMI’, but letting those of you know that I am a good and clean guy otherwise and when this chemotherapy treatment is over and the fanny pack is gone, I can shower every day once again!! I got my crochet tags printed out yesterday as well, and even though I was tired from the FUUnd lunch at church, but had planned on it for three Sundays now. The other Sundays, I was too tired after doing a few errands one day, while nothing another Sunday, though was exhausted again due to the chemical! If nothing else today, I will be changing my bed linens and spending most of the day in my room again. I hear it’s going to be another wonderful day, but for every time I go out the gate, I have to deal with some guards that have piss poor attitudes and are very rude to me when I come in, even if I am in pain and not up to their harassing! There’s 3 lady guards that are cool to me, but some of the guys are so rude and disrespectful while one tried to deny me entrance due to the fact that I could not take off the fanny pack that was attached to my chest with a tubing, and then he insisted that I empty out the fanny pack to show what was in it and though I told him there was a caustic chemical that’s Hazardous Material, plus a pump, tape, and extra batteries, he still insisted! Some of the guys can be pretty rude and you never know when they’re joking around, at least I don’t!! Well, I just called Walgreen’s and my last prescription was approved, while I also have a refill for my Nexium that’s helping my stomach and digestion, though I continue to also take the Papaya Enzyme tablets. Down to Walgreen’s after 11:30, then go from there! I may have to change my bedding tomorrow since I have an appointment here on campus and nothing else to do!! I hope this finds you doing well, while I wish you a prosperous and wonderful week. Until later….
Posted on: Wed, 20 Nov 2013 10:08:07 +0000
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