Welcome welcome WELCOME! To the Church of Jeebus Carp, Spawn of Cod and the Wholly Mackeral! SON of Parthenogenic Mary! Most Wholly Redeemer of Mary Remoralane (a shark sucker of ill repute, but fairly well to do and with no small skills)! Welcome ALL you sinners! Father Theresa cannot join us today, though he has been released from rehab. The good Father has sojourned to a New Baltimore, NY where a crop circle resembling a 40 foot narwhal...some say a hand flipping the bird...appeared on someones lawn, and he is investigating to see if it is a work of Cod... Me, Im Dear Dino, Flounder and D-Con of the Church of Cod. In The Book (Your New Aquarium, Dr Herb Axelrod, Icthyologist, 1954, TFH Publications), some things are saith, and you may notice some changes in The Church tonight. In The Book, Blowfish, Paragraph 16, lines 18 and 19, it says: Sol and Manny were on patrol in the streets of Reeflahem when they spotted a wagon with mechanical problems. Beneath it lay a Kiltfish, and a female grouper looked on forlornly. Sol and Manny hovered at a distance, watching. Hammering, swearing, grunting, the kiltfish was obviously agitated, The grouper, sympathy in its eyes, swam closer and wrapped its large lips around the nether regions of the kiltfish where they stuck out beyond the wagon frame and began an act obviously meant to soothe. Mein Cod, Manny! Look at what she is doing! Right in broad daylight! Oy vey, Sol, My Sylvie used to do that for me before we were married! Twice a day, even.... Oh,this girl, Manny, look at her! And she has wide, egg laying pelvic fins, good for spawning! Theyre never going to get any fingerlings THAT way, Sol, hahahaha! Look! Look! She takes the whole thing! And thats no gefiltefish! Thats a whale!: He seems to have calmed considerably. Wait! Yup, I think hes done.... He finished the wagon a while ago, Manny...oh, I see......whys she still...? OH MY COD! What a GOOD girl! And the grouper wiped her luscious lips and swam back to sit in the wagon. The kiltfish rose from beneath it, dumped tools in the back, and took the reins of the seahorses, and they started off. Sol, do you think we should arrest them for sodomy, premarital, and lewd public display? No, Manny,no one was harmed. Cod saw a need for the kiltfishs frustration, and gave him the grouper as a solution. We should all be so lucky. All we get is cold fillets. That kiltfish is truly blessed. Look, theyre too far away for us to catch up anyway. Hey, I gotta go to the John, be back in a few.... And thus is the WAY of Cod, for without even asking, He finds a way to help you in times of strife, and all shall witness. .Ladies and gentlemen, please join the ladies of the Cabellas Tacklebox Choir in song, and if the music moves you to tap your feet, please do, if you feel the urge to speak in gills, there are those in the congregation who will interpret for you...and, Brother Terry...get a mop and some Lysol for Jeebus sake.... Dont forget our all you can eat shrimp and crablegs buffet in the Community Tank Room after services, and PLEASE, people, Church aint over until ALL the snakes are back in the bag! Hymn 71! Laaaaadies!!!! https://youtube/watch?v=LOR5GA4gDfM
Posted on: Wed, 24 Dec 2014 23:00:28 +0000
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