Well I made it through today. A couple tears were shed, but for the most part a smile on my face. Today marks the beginning of a very rough time for me. 10 years ago today, I gave birth to my faughter Jada Rose Charter. My beautiful princess. You have given me so much. And the distance between us right now has left a hole deep in my soul. I work diligently to close the gap, to mend my soul, to be and give you all that you deserve. Between the months of October to May is a roller coaster ride for me, every month is a day for one of my kids, or a holiday that, as I watch others love and share with their children, family, and friends, I feel isolated, and reminded that I struggle to yet still have none. I am envious, not jelous, may they cherish what and who they have, despite the annoyances, agitation, and and inconveniences, they are special, and fill a space whoms emptiness you dont feel till the void is left behind in their absence. I ask myself, what more can I do? where is my break? I work so hard to do everything right reaping little to none of the rewards I seek. I want my mothers love, a brothers companionship, a fathers guidance, and most of all I want to see the faces of my children, hear their voices, and feel their bodies wrapped in my arms. I want my family.... Its hard to watch others especially this time of year, and not think of mine in the absence. I have some who invite me among them, who take me in, and comfort me, accept me and encourage me. These few people support me, they show me what it means to be cared for, and though I am ever so grateful, I ask why can they be so wonderful to me? What is it about me that some can accept that others cant? Why am I good enough for the people I feel inferior to, and feel inferior to the ones I seek comfort from? I will keep my head held high, and a smile on my face, even when my tears fall silently. I know that every step I take today is towards a brighter tomorrow, and I can only pray that those who are left behind me are brought forward with me in time, and those who stand beside me in my struggle, stay by my side through all that we encounter together, cuz with out you there, I wonder would I have made it this far? I love you KJMON
Posted on: Sat, 11 Oct 2014 04:10:13 +0000
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