Well, I think this is going to be an interesting post because I think Im about to confess something that I cant believe I am confessing. I like to try and play many different types of video games and review them for myself (an actual, in depth review) and if you have played as many as I have over the past few years, you sort of consider yourself a Jack of All Trades, Master of None type of reviewer. I know my primary strengths (RPGs, Most Fighting Games, plat formers, etc.) and I know my primary weaknesses (Stealth, Real Time Strategy, MMOs, etc.) but overall, I am pretty well rounded. One of the lingering thoughts that I have always had in the back of my mind was What if I cant play the game? What if theres a puzzle or some type of obstacle that stops me from proceeding on to the next area? So, I was reviewing this game (Forgive me, I wont name it) for the SNES and... that happened. It wasnt a puzzle. It was a racing sequence. I uhhh.. spent 6 hours... screaming. I rage hit my controller. I... couldnt get through it and it really was kind of a phenomenal moment. The general consensus that I had with myself was that I, being in video games for what feels like a long time, was just more adept to handle video games and here this racing sequence comes. This was for the first time in over 5 years I sat there and though I cant do this. and it had an affect on me that I really didnt anticipate and it uhm went from frustration to a little anxiety to uhm, well I could feel my ego slowly withering away somewhere inside the foundation of my head and I just started to wonder Am I capable? Thinking this brought me back to my sixth grade experience where a group of people I used to hang out with were always talking about games and I wasnt exactly much of a gamer. I had played games and I was aware that they were more out there, but I didnt know much and when they would try and talk to me or try and include me in their conversations, I would just try my best to avoid them and change the conversation as quickly as possible. I was so worried that someone would call me out and say that I am a crappy gamer. Over the years I got a lot better as most people can tell when watching or observing me play but being stuck on that sequence suddenly brought me back to this point in my life and I suddenly didnt feel qualified to be playing the game I was reviewing. It was like uhmm, a fear that someone would just call me out and I would lose all my credibility and the proverbial curtains would have been pulled and I would have been as legitimate a gamer as the Wizard from the Wizard of Oz, a fraud. There was also this really intense feeling of... mortality. You know... Im not the youngest gamer out there. Sure, I may be younger than most of you that have read this far but playing games actually does require some skill. Theres a lot of hand-eye coordination thats involved, a lot of dexterity as well and people are usually best at that around their late teens or there early 20s. Im in my late teens! I started to wonder How many years do I have left doing this? Am I still going to be viable? I could think about and talk about a game but the actual act of playing a game; unlike any other form of entertainment... uhm.. well I guess you need your eyesight to read a book or to enjoy a magic show but I think you understand where I am coming from, that its sort of temporal with what you could do with this form of entertainment and it was very.. sort of a dark, lonely place. All of these things were just running through my head as I was sitting on the couch, just thinking about my own death and my muscles were really cramped and hurting and all I wanted to do was get past the racing sequence so I could go downstairs and grab some dinner... but I was stuck there. All these thoughts came from a game, clearly a powerful medium. But at that point in time, I wished it was just a bit less than what it really was.
Posted on: Fri, 22 Nov 2013 21:18:29 +0000
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