Well, Pennsic is over. That endless parade of the good and bad. Were home and finally can start moving in. At least thats the way it feels. I went to Pennsic feeling like I had lost my way as a Knight, Laurel, Pelican and Royal Peer. I questioned my place in the SCA and wondered if it was all worth it. Some questioned if that was the right place to do my soul searching, but I argue that it was a good place to. A crucible of ideas and a place to see the best and worst the SCA has to offer. Oh theres bad. Very bad, stuff so bad it makes me wonder if we cant just all burn it to the ground, walk away and feel like we did more good than harm by the cleansing. But there is also good. And it was there that I found it and reinforced my belief and path. Despite the circus of the absurd, there is this cool verve that makes up the best of the SCA. From the newcomers being hooked into a the cult of re-enacting, rec-reating, historical research and play acting that is the organization to the moments of hyper realism and almost magical elements that leave a lasting impression on even the most cynical. Breathing life back into the fallen. More importantly it let me reconnect with my inner philosophy of why I/we do it. And provided the ability for me to touch base and share my misgivings, doubts, concerns, musings and cynicism with people I trust that both allowed me to vent, argue and receive council and discuss my place and conscience. (not being a religious person, I look to people I respect, trust and admire and that I know have my confidence and may have an understanding of my plight and are hnest with me, regardless of frankness. A knight confessor so to speak. Sometimes it may have been evident to those people, other times it was not so evident. What they saw as merely social interaction and a light discussion was more, (yeah, Im sneaky that way.) at least for me. Some of those moments were long, dsicussions that went deep into the night and made me think hard. Some not so much but were just as valuable. Though my ship is still out in an ocean, I at least have control of it and a better idea of my course and bearings. Some of it was being reminded that above all humility is the most important virtue. Some of it was the upheavel of change, some of it the atmosphere and elements that added frustration to my position that bled over into my line of thought. Much of it was my own observation and contemplation as I walked the site at night, quiet moments in the booth, the drive home. But more importantly it was friends coming to my rescue in my crisis of faith. Many of you know who you are. Some were unknowing participants in my therapy/catharsis but still had a profound impact. My thanks to all of you. Good and bad. You make me who I am in the SCA and I will continue on my path as I have. Maybe with some changes, but still those tenets that make up Benen. My course is set, and I begin a new journey. Thank you.
Posted on: Sun, 10 Aug 2014 18:50:36 +0000
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