Well here I am with one more sleepless night on my hands, or in my mind I should say. Lord, please this is getting so very, very old. Night after night, until I get numb after three nights or so, then I seem to pass out for 8 to 10, hours. then it starts all over. The Docs., hand me a bunch of pills and tell me they will see me soon. It never seems to work! They are giving me 11, pills each night just to get to sleep, I lay in bed most nights with eyes closed hoping that I might fall and gather a few moments of much needed rest. By 5 or 6 AM., Being of no shape to any longer fight off the pain. I start my new day off with about 4 assorted pain pills, and of coarse muscle relaxers, and dont let me forget the anxiety meds, and of coarse the Nexium for my tummy, ( the purple pill), two just in case. So after all of that food is no longer of any use to me. I always try and eat at least one time before going to bed in the evening, sometimes that is only a bowl of cereal, with a banana cut up in it, and when my loving wife is not watching so close I might have a very large bowl of tapioca, pudding. I love the stuff! But like every thing else in the world that we love to eat its not really good for you. I have come to know that if my wife did not stay on me about it, I would most likely go days without eating, and have no misgivings about it. About 12 years aqo before becoming so ill, I could read something and never forget it, since having the first of my now 18 spine surgeries, in witch I was given 4 pints of blood, blood that was not tested for Hep. C, As that grew to the point to where I had to receive, chemo treatments for two years, I made it for one, I got real tired of sticking that needle into my stomach every day, and taking hand full of horse size pills daily, that made you throw up every time I moved. Trust me it got old real fast! It was like fighting Cancer, without having cancer. Dont get to upset if you have been given blood as of late they now screen for it. Of the fact that Hep.C has killed a couple million people, before they knew what it was, oh well theres a lot of us right. I dont mean to sound so insinsitive, its just that I have been fighting this fight for so long. But I can say with certainty that with out our Lord, Jesus Christ, I would undoubtedly be fighting this fight from somewhere beyond life and limb, Amen. What I have missed the most out of all I have been forced to endure these past 10 or 15 years is not so much Pastoring, or Preaching, and having a Church, But the school and teaching. For years I had planed on going to Law School, and I always thought that is what I would wind up doing with my life. My first years of collage were all in preperation of following that dream, but the things we often desire seem to melt away when we listen and turn our lives over to the Lord, and began to allow Him to lend His direction to our lives. But working with the young people, seeing them grow not only on an academic plane, but watching them grow strong in our Lord, to me that was the most fulling thing I could or will ever do, I am often told Im not dead from all of this illness I have and am going thru as I speak, is because God is not done with me, and you know thats OK, but to come close to what He has already done in my life and allowed me to do, touching the lives of so many young hearts and souls, well lets just say if He brings me to a place that tops what He has already allowed me to do. Wow, Ill be surely impressed, but Lord know that I will make myself prepared for what ever You should call upon me to do! Amen Thank You Jesus for all You have given and done for me and those I love.
Posted on: Sun, 03 Nov 2013 12:48:37 +0000
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