Well.....it is getting pretty real folks. Have been making plans to minimize my stuff, trying to handle as many of the things I can myself types of thing....due to the karmic joke the entire branch of my paternal family dies with me. Thats Father not Mother for all the kids in the back licking the chalkboards. I have no sons, and my daughters have another mans name attached to theirs. Yeah, blood is blood, but that would be hypocritical of me when I have spent the majority of my life stating that family is who you choose to let in, not who you are stuck with. They found themselves caught between their parents, and suffered the brunt of a lot of it. There was a lot of anger, a lot of unresolved issues. And no, I will never be that guy who points all of the fingers and says it is her fault, nor will I claim to be innocent. No, WE screwed up our daughters, and allowed for many years of darkness when the only thing they were supposed to be going through was those years of carefree childhood. To this day I swear that was what led to where I am in life now, letting them go hoping it would save them from a life of pain and hatred. Knowing everything I do now, yes, there would be things I would have done differently. But, as they say, hindsight is 20/20. I can no more reverse the flow of time to unring the bell than I can reverse the disease eating away my days...it simply is what it is. So, what am I talking about, right? Photographs. More specifically, photo albums. I am in possession of a great deal of albums from before my time, and naturally these are the types of things one passes on to their children. I asked my Mother to reach out to my ex, inform her of the nature of what is going on, the fact that I would be putting together some things that the girls might actually want...taken at face value, they didnt just say no at least. Its not a huge snoopy dance moment in the grand scheme of things, except for the fact that yes, it is. Whether they choose to ever resolve this, to look me in the eyes again, to spit in my face and tell me they are happy I am going to die....or if everything in the universe were to come together just right, for one moment in time and they remember that they claim to live as Christians, living in love and forgiveness......yeah, not going to let my thoughts delve there. False hope wasted many years of my life building me up for the belief that one magical day everything that the nightmare my life became. That magical day came, the phone never rang, the nightmare just kept on going. But, like I said, they are at least apparently willing to consider seeing the pictures. Not sure what all this means. If they are willing to meet to get them, if this is planned to just be me and the ex. I dont know....but it is something. Like I said.....it got very real....as if this wasnt already right? Yeah, I know, sarcasm and all that, hehehe. Take care folks, need to make a few things happen before I get out of this house for a bit, got a planned kidnapping with a buddy to do some food.
Posted on: Tue, 15 Apr 2014 20:58:34 +0000
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