Well last night late i find out Kaiden was having his eye surgery this morning. I was so mad!! How can they go ahead and do this without Cale or I consent. Especially when i told the foster mom to get a second opinion and the social worker. But i get IGNORED. So not only do they do it without consent we are not even told about when and where until 8 hours prior to the surgery. SMH I wanted to go so bad today and be there for Kaiden. I know he was scared and needed mommy and i know i did wrong not going BUT damn it I CANT FACE MY KIDS ANYMORE. ALL the trauma it hurts again to face my kids. I hate the foster mom and i am scared to see her my anger and pain take over. I feel i am headed backwards again almost how i was a year ago I cant see my boys because it hurts to much BUT if i dont see them it hurts just as much. Kaidens surgery was at united the same very childrens that i lived at for 6 months with Kaylee. Where these evil people came into our lives. I cant even drive by that place without breaking down let alone go in. Deven has his christmas play tomorrow and there i am again i cant go just the thought of it kills me. I even want to cancel my visit on friday BUT i dont. This all is to much to bare. I want to be non existent just like i feel. Everything that makes me me is GONE so if i feel nonexistent why cant i just NOT exist. THere has to be a way to not feel or care anymore i need to find that something FAST.
Posted on: Wed, 03 Dec 2014 23:57:56 +0000
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