Well, things sure are different. In a great many ways, things are better. I am not constantly concerned about what treatment I will have or where I will go. For now, all of that is in Gods hands. I am still strong. I can still ride my bike ten miles, and I will keep doing that because I think it is so good for me. It is a big relief knowing that I dont have to know what to do next. My job now is to stay out of pain. But there are still things I want to get done - so many things. I want to sew leather bags, and blankets. I want to paint and write and take photographs. And somehow, I would like to finish the cabin at Moms. There are so many things that I have seen in these three years regarding cancer treatment that are just not right. It is amazing to me now, how, if you ask the doctors how long you will live, they are perfectly ok with telling you that you may life on for ever. All of the death is certain talk is now unnecessary as they are sure you understand that now. they are not worried about getting sued I guess. It just seems like it would make so much more difference DURING a persons fight. not after. I dont really feel like doing anything... I am not sure any of it matters, except maybe the writing. If I could get my biography done that would be good. I am trying to live as if I dont know how long I have, because I really dont. I dont know if I have days., weeks or months. I may not even expire at all, as I believe is very possible. The true blessing that I have is that it is all in Gods hands. I cant imagine going through this without Him. I also have to believe that I have today. If I didnt believe that, I dont think I could move forward at all. I never want to stop. I am not sad. I am not mad. I am not grieving. I am steady and I believe Gods Will will be done.
Posted on: Tue, 23 Sep 2014 14:23:15 +0000
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