Well, we made it through Christmas surrounded by tons of family, laughter, eating, gift exchanging and lots of pics and a few tears shed and then brought in the New Year 2015 at home just Larry and I. It was very nice and very quiet. I came home that day from a long day of cleaning houses and on my way home I visited Robbies grave as usual, of course there are those days that just cause more years than others. I could not help as I sat by his grave but think about last New Years Eve. I had bought sparking cider and light up wine glasses for us to bring in the new year but unfortunately Robbie had become pretty sick that night. We just quietly watched tv and he rested. When the New Year came in we were all three sound asleep. Everyday seems to cause my mind to think about the same day last year at this time since the mark of that day on Dec. 8th when Robbie was admitted back into Unc for graph vs host disease. I even find myself going back on Facebook or Prayers for Robbie to refresh my memory of exactly what took place on that exact day. I think maybe because it was Robbies last days I am so afraid I will forget and I dont want to forget anything about him. Even the thoughts of forgetting his voice or laugh scares me to death. I DONT want to forget anything about him. I can still see his smile or grin and love it when I dream of him and hear his voice or his laugh. Robbie and I had our own lingo and not many people know this besides Larry, the girls and I because we all did it to each other. If you ever think about it ask me and I will show you. I can just hear him right now saying you love you baby boy or you gonna buy your baby boy some juice at the store lol. Robbie at 22 would make me feel so loved and needed and he gave me meaning. Being his caregiver and best of all his mother was the most gracious gift from God. Nothing can take that time I spent with him day after day week after week and month after month away. In the hospital, driving to and from his dr appts or at home were all spent making memories and even through the horrible sickness and his death I have the sweetest and the best memories we made together side by side, beds touching and some times me crawled up in his bed watching tv. God blessed me to be able to spend that quality time with him....making memories..... memories that even though I have to look back and refresh my brain, it takes only one quick glance at just a few words and it all comes back immediately!!!!! Blessed is definitely what I am. I miss him and that will never ever change but I can always remember him. Many times when I am at his grave I will just lay my head back, close my eyes and remember .. Most of the time with tears but some are happy tears thinking about his silly or funny personality and how he could make me laugh harder than anyone I know...even through sickness :) Thank you all for your many kind words and beautiful sweet messages throughout the holiday .... You really do not know how much each and everyone mean to me and the family. May God bless you all and Goodnite PS Happy Birthday Steven Crews from Robbie in heaven...hope it was a great one :)
Posted on: Mon, 12 Jan 2015 09:26:30 +0000
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