Well yall, here is my TBT...my beautiful Mother, myself, Lavelle and my beautiful Meagan before my handsome Landon came along. I loved this woman more than she could ever imagine...unconditionally, as I still do. And I know that she loved me. She was always there for me no matter what but one day, on this date 3 years ago she decided that she no longer wanted to be in this world. After daddy became ill with Alzheimers, their house burnt, hurricane Katrina came and they were forced to live under tarps and blankets on their carport then daddy got even worse and we had to put him in a nursing home and not long after that he passed away with lung cancer. Mama took care of papa and granny while they were sick and then sat with elderly ladies and took care of them. She was a kind woman.....always taking care of others and after daddy passed with everything else that she had went through her happiness diminished. She became extremely lonely and depressed. She was loved but was so depressed that she didnt realize it. As we grow older and have our own families and jobs we are not as able to visit as we would like but she always made it a point to help any way that she could. During the last 6 months of her life I saw her slowly going down, she became more and more depressed. I remember telling her in February of 2011 that if she could hold on until May 13 when I would graduate from college that I would be able to spend a lot more time with her, mother daughter time that we needed. I missed that, I missed her sweet tight hugs, her soft and gentle back rubs, the morning wake ups that she gave me with a soft touch to my foot...its time to get up baby, what time do you have to be at work?, the holidays that she spent with me and my family every year after the birth of my children, coming to visit just because she missed me. But she couldnt wait until May, the last time I ever spoke to my mama I was on my way home from my internship and she called on March 24th at 4:24 pm and said she had really wanted to see me but was feeling sick and was gonna go in back home and that she didnt know if she would be able to make my graduation. I told her I knew she didnt feel good and that I understood if she couldnt make it. Her last words to me were I love you baby and mama misses you so much. Those words haunt me, the fact that I didnt make it a priority to see her, to help her, to take care of her needs when she needed me most....that haunts me daily. So on this day around midnight I received the call from my baby brother that he had found her and I couldnt make it in time to help her. She decided she had finally had enough of being lonely and depressed. My whole world changed, a part of me is gone forever....never coming back! She couldnt hold on any longer. I loved her so much and I know that she loved me and was proud of me. I just, I love and miss her terribly! Please love your family, talk to them, visit them, help them when they need it and please, please dont ever think that loneliness and depression wont kill because it will !! People suicide hurts the living.....it haunts me daily!!!!!
Posted on: Thu, 03 Apr 2014 16:52:09 +0000