Weve been home for a week now since we left the hospital and Julias been mostly relaxing (and sleeping a lot!). I think shes eating enough to make up for the days she was too sick to eat. Shes always saying shes hungry:-) Her last dose of antibiotic was today. We went to clinic twice this week to check her labs and her white cell counts are slowly going up. Its been a little easier for me keeping up with her supplements, meds and detox treatments since shes home all day. When shes in school, it makes it almost impossible for me to do everything I need to do for her between school and bedtime. Julias also starting her low dose chemo regimen next week so she wont be going to school anytime soon... not until after the new year. Its not normal for a child to have to miss over a years worth of school because of an illness. Its not fair that these kids have to be isolated from the outside world for risk of getting a life-threatening infection. We miss out on so much because Julia has been so tired lately so we pretty much just stay home every day. My idea of fun with my kids has completely changed from going out to crowded and entertaining places to just sitting at home and enjoying the fact that we are actually home all together as a family. Although my kids dont feel that way. They are kids and they just want to go out and have fun. Even though everyone always says that Im so strong and weve been in this fight for over a year now, it doesnt make it any easier. Ive become immune to a lot of things that most people would be terrified of. Julias been sedated more times than I can count, has had numerous surgeries and has endured way too much pain and suffering for a 7 year old. No child should ever have to suffer like she has. But what amazes me is how well she deals with everything. Every morning and night she takes her immune boosting and detox supplements which adds up to about 20 pills a day. And thats not including any other meds prescribed from the medical doctors. She never complains when she has to go to the hospital for blood draws or chemo or even surgery! Sad to say its become a normal occurrence for her. My baby is such a strong and resilient little girl. David and I couldnt be more thankful to have a daughter who truly has accepted her cross and carries it so well. Even though I am strong, I have many moments of weakness. I am human and although people think Im superwoman, I most certainly am not. I break down... I have feelings... I have fear and anxiety more times than I would like to admit. Every ache and pain from any one of my kids turns to fear. Fear of them having cancer. For the most part I have positive thoughts about Julia and have trust in God that He will heal her. Then there are times when I think about the fact that she hasnt had any treatment since August and she hasnt been scanned since October. Then I start to panic and wonder if her precious little body is filled with cancer that grew like crazy again and we dont even know it!? I quickly vanish these thoughts from my head. Its too unbearable to even imagine. My thoughts are consumed by what her next set of scans will reveal. We are due to go back to NY for scans in January. I dont know what Gods plan is for Julia, but I do know without a doubt that she would not be where she is today without the intercession and protection of Mother Mary. Mary was Jesus mother and when He died, she gave birth to every one of us. Therefore, she is our Mother and she will never abandon us in times of need. I get so emotional just thinking about our journey the last year and how far Julia has come. She is truly protected by Mother Mary and all the angels in Heaven. And she also has all of your unceasing prayers, her angels on earth! To Jesus through Mary, Julias mommy Prayer is powerful beyond limits when we turn to the Immaculata who is queen even of Gods heart. -Saint Maximilian Kolbe “In trial or difficulty I have recourse to Mother Mary, whose glance alone is enough to dissipate every fear.” -Saint Therese of Lisieux, Doctor of the Church
Posted on: Sat, 13 Dec 2014 21:14:07 +0000
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