Weve been taught that we are problematic, and so we must, then, *fix* our problems, or ourselves. Its vital to know that we are not problematic, and we dont need fixing. These aspects that we deem problematic are parts of ourselves that, dont need fixing, but need accepting, loving, RELATING, redefining. If we identify ourselves as depressed, anxious, angry, uptight, lazy, sensitive, insensitive etc(!) we cannot eradicate these aspects of ourselves, without waging a war against ourselves. The shortcut to inner-peace is, instead, radical self-acceptance - accepting even the aspects of ourselves we dislike. And building a better relationship to them, to ourselves. Ill give you a personal example. Ever since I was a little girl, I identified myself as dark, and depressed. When seeing these aspects of myself as problems, I waged a war against myself, disassociating from myself, trying to mold myself into someone I am not - a clean picture of what I thought Jessica should be. This inevitably resulted in intense anxiety, neurosis, confusion, self-hatred the list goes on. I realize now that I was taught that darkness, and sadness, in this society, are abnormal - qualities to be treated, eradicated, sanitized out of the human condition, and, in accepting this as true, saw these very strong and prevalent qualities in myself as problems, and, so, fought a battle against myself that I could not, and cannot possibly win. With greater awareness, I see that these qualities are actually very important qualities, aspects that shine a clear light on who I am at a core level that merely needed my acceptance, and integration. This darkness and sadness that I deemed problematic are qualities that enable me to see the depths of suffering in myself, in others, in the world. And in seeing the shadows of humanity very clearly, I am fearless in its face. This fearlessness in the face of darkness is what will help me, someday, as a therapist - if Ive seen darkness, and am not afraid of it, others will not fear sharing their darkness in my presence. What qualities do you dislike about yourself, and how can you rework your relationship to these qualities, to see how they are of service to you? This is how it might look... I am a bully... I have the qualities of a leader - I am strong - I have the drive, and ability to push people. I can use this drive to push people (myself included) to follow their dreams, and be better people. I am insensitive... I am objective - I see things from outside the lens of emotion - I can use this quality to bring clarity to others (and myself), and to discover Universal truths. I am sensitive... I feel things deeply - I am empathic - I have the ability to relate to others (and myself), and can use this quality to help them (and me) navigate their inner experiences. I am lazy... I know, and am willing to let myself rest when I need to. I am uptight... I am organized, and on top of my shit - people can trust me (*I* can trust me) to get what needs to get done.. done. I hope this helps some of yall find greater self-acceptance! Maybe youll even learn a lot about yourself through these exercises. :) Work with yourself, not against yourself.
Posted on: Sun, 14 Dec 2014 06:24:44 +0000
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