Weve see the evasive way Oscar Pistorius answered Gerrit Nel during the first trial. It was so obvious, that it was pathetic........( so pathetic that some were fooled to feel pity for Oscar Pistorius), but when youre in the midst of such convoluted communication while in a relationship its absolutely painful. Its part of that vast arsenal of emotionally abusive behaviors and communications intended to hurt you and destroy you! For the sheer joy of power and control. Your narcissistic lover is supposed to care about you, but manages to confuse you and drive you nuts with his evasive, covertly cruel way of avoiding any and all conversations: 12 Signs of a Manipulative Relationship 1: Playing Innocent A manipulator does not take responsibility for hurting others and instead plays innocent, acting like he is the harmed party when confronted about his hurtful behavior. By playing innocent and casting himself as the victim, he tries to throw his partner off balance, making her feel unjustified or even guilty about challenging his behavior. She may even become sympathetic, feeling that his bad experiences hurt him, instead of seeing his manipulative behavior as an attempt to win at all costs. 2: Rationalizing Behavior A manipulator will offer rationalizations that justify his behavior, reasons that come close enough to making sense that the partner being manipulated is easily put off guard. The rationalizations are not his true motives, merely a means of justifying his conduct so as to avoid having to have a realistic discussion about changing it. 3: Now You See It, Now You Dont Try to discuss an area of disagreement with a manipulator, and the manipulator may try to retain control by changing the topic or throwing in everything including the kitchen sink to distract his partner from the discussion topic. A classic example of how a manipulator diverts attention from the topic at hand is to talk about how the behavior hes committed, and the partner has identified as a problem, is something other people do to him. He turns the discussion from his wrongdoing to how he is so often wronged. Another approach is for him to introduce extraneous factors rather than respond directly to comments or questions. 4: Playing Dumb Rather than address criticism or requests to change behaviors, a manipulator will often play dumb. With the goal of maintaining power and control, he will ignore the requests and not listen to others suggestions. 5: Sharing Half-Truths A manipulator is likely to hide information that is relevant or deny his behavior by sharing just enough of the truth as necessary to convince others of his honesty. Key aspects of a situation may not be disclosed by a manipulator seeking to maintain control. 6: Inducing Guilt A manipulative person makes accusations when confronted about his own behavior. Some classics are to accuse the partner of not loving him enough, not doing enough for him, or not doing enough to help him. His inability to change is portrayed as his partners fault. Typically, a manipulator chooses an empathetic partner who is vulnerable to this tactic. 7: Jokes and Insults A manipulator will try to shame or intimidate his partner by making insulting remarks. When confronted, the manipulator will often try to pass off his rude and insulting remarks as jokes. A careful and honest listener will realize that his jokes are not funny and have serious, unfriendly overtones. 8: Blaming Others A manipulator avoids responsibility for his own conduct by blaming others for causing it by instigating and leaving him no option but to respond. 9: Minimizing the Significance of Behavior Expect a manipulator to accuse his partner of making too big a deal out of his behavior. The partner will be accused of exaggerating the behavior itself or its significance. In other words, the manipulator contends its not me who has the problem. 10: Bullying the Victim At the first sign his partner is trying to hold him accountable for his behavior, a manipulator may begin to turn the tables by bullying the partner. He may accuse the partner of wrongdoing on other occasions or of always treating him badly. By bullying the partner, he expects her to back off and let him maintain his controlling position. 11: Causing the partner speculate The partner will feel confused in the relationship and keep questioning or blaming herself for making him angry or frustrated. Manipulators are skilled at never being to blame for any problem in a relationship. 12. The partner is unhappy The partner is unhappy in her relationship at least 90 percent of the time. This is a big red flag for anyone in a relationship -- whether theyre with a manipulator or not, its time to reevaluate why theyre with that person.
Posted on: Fri, 12 Dec 2014 02:46:00 +0000
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