We’re all shaken to the core, diluted perpetually into the abyss of an inexplicable form of grief. Yesterday, more than a hundred students were shot dead- martyred and slain like cattle. The white walls that heard laughter, dreams and tales of wonder stood still with the gore of juveniles. Some played dead while the others lay as if the universe-filled with their mother’s dreams, their father’s aspirations and their ‘friends-forever’ promises had transcended into their frozen eyes like a revelation almost fulfilled. 7 am: Ammi forced me to wake up again with the fear that I would miss the bus. My God, I wish I miss the bus. I haven’t studied for the exam today. Oh God. What if I fail? Baba will be so angry and disappointed. 7:30 am: Same old fried eggs. I wanted an omelette for breakfast. I can’t even pick a fight with Ammi today since I haven’t studied for my exam. I hope Amir has studied. I’ll ask him to sit in front of me but I know that he hasn’t. He’s just like me. 7:45 am: On our way to school. The air is so fresh today. Not too cold and not too warm. I have a good feeling about today. Amir must have prepared for today’s exam. It’s ridiculously strange and unfair- the works of life. There is good in this world and it’s seen and witnessed every day by the air, the water and the earth. Every time she sees him, she is reminded of the great miracle she thinks she never deserved. He looks so beautiful- those round raw-apple-green eyes, those long black lashes and that perfect mouth which utters the world Ammi. How sweet is the sound of innocence? They stormed in the classrooms and asked us if our fathers were in the Army. Of course he is! We raised our hands because we’re so proud of our fathers. Little did we know that bullets will be boomed towards us- piercing through our green sweaters (Ama told me to wear the blazer today, I revolted) and our bones. My mother did tell me to have a glass of milk in the morning for strong bones. Milk has calcium which is good for the bones, she says. Maybe my bones would have endured had I just had a glass. Are we at war? What did we do? Did my father do something wrong? What did I do? I’m frightened and I do not want to die. Not like this. ‘The man looks dangerous.’ Amir whispers into my ear. They killed the children. They robbed Pakistan of innocent smiles and big dreams. They plucked the flowers, leaving behind nothing but thorns and barren branches. The wombs are empty. The sky is red and the land is numb. It’s gone. We’ve been shot in the heart and it’s excruciatingly painful. How will we ever move on from this great tragedy? 15th December 2014 (8:00 am): There are roses, tulips, marigolds and daffodils. There’s the blue sky singing the song of life. There’s the grass as lush and green as that of the heavens. There they are- our children all lined up for the morning assembling. They start their day with the name of God- everyday. Everyday. They move on to the Principal’s speech. She says a few words about discipline, about education, about greatness and of course, she wishes us all good luck for our exam. We then say a prayer- Oh God, increase my knowledge. He hears us, all day, every day. We end with the national anthem- پاک سَرزَمِین شاد باد كِشوَرِ حَسِين شاد باد تُو نِشانِ عَزمِ عالی شان !اَرضِ پاکِستان مَرکَزِ یَقِین شاد باد Blessed be the sacred land, Happy be the bounteous realm. Thou symbol of high resolve, O Land of Pakistan! Blessed be the citadel of faith. To the lives lost yesterday. We’re shattered and we don’t have words. We’re sorry. We’re sorry. We’re so sorry. We’re helpless and we’re sorry. All my life, Ive studied in Army schools. Ive been in the white and green uniform. Im an Army officer’s daughter and I am so numb. To the lives lost, you are and always will be alive.
Posted on: Wed, 17 Dec 2014 18:31:51 +0000
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