What Kind of Heinie? Because my daughters were growing up with a mixed-animal veterinarian for a father, I thought they had seen just about every anatomical part of a mammal. I was wrong; there was one that our youngest girl, Kimmi, had not yet seen. With two sisters, a mother, and six girl cousins, Kimmi had never been exposed to human “boy parts.” Finally, we had a boy cousin. Kimmi was four years old when the little tyke came to the house to spend a few days. She was sitting in the big chair watching television and eating Cheetos when my wife plopped the new baby boy on the floor to change a wet diaper. I looked across the room just in time to see Kimmi’s focus go from cartoons to the now-half-naked baby. With her head cocked to one side like a dog hearing a high-pitched sound, she developed a curious expression as the Cheetos consumption came to a gradual stop. I could feel a smile sliding in on one side of my mouth and could hardly wait to see what she would do next. She slid off the chair, licking one hand clean of Cheetos residue and the other grasping the half-empty bag. She made her way over and bent at the waist to get a closer look. It is always funny to me to watch a little kid process new information. This was not the normal anatomy, and she knew it. She just couldn’t decide what had happened to cause it. She just stood there, still licking orange off her hand, and watched as Kerri cleaned and readied the area for a new diaper. Several times it looked as if she was about to say something, but the thought never gathered enough organization to form a sentence. Finally, after several minutes, she cut her eyes to Kerri and said, “What kind of heinie is that?” Not wanting to miss an opportunity to be a father, I filled in the answer. “That’s an evil heinie…You stay away from heinies like that.” She looked at me with a puzzled, almost terrified look. She walked away from it almost as if it would jump off and attack her. Kerri went on to explain what kind of heinie it really was. We laughed about it for days, but it made me think a bit about having three daughters and what an adventure it is going to be when boys come courting. The more I thought about it, the more it worried me. Here they were, my three beautiful girls, and someday, boys were going to want to date them. What was I going to do? So I composed a sign and put it over the front door: CAUTION: I’VE CASTRATED THOUSANDS OF ANIMALS. IF YOU WANT TO DATE MY DAUGHTER, DON’T BE AN ANIMAL. from the book Crowded in the middle of No where by Bo Brock. You can get this and many more stories at amazon. com. i hope it makes you smile
Posted on: Fri, 04 Jul 2014 20:17:34 +0000
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