What Time Is It? Its Political Ass Saving Time! The President has declared calendars to be Living Documents. As if Daylight Saving Time wasnt annoying enough, Barack Obama has just decreed that the nation must now observe Political Ass-Saving Time. On April 15, all Americans will be required to turn their calendars back to March 31 (helpful homeowner tip: this is also a good time to change the batteries in your smoke & mirror detectors!) The reason for this bizarre development is, of course, Obamacare. Only days ago, HHS Secretary Kathleen Sibelius swore that there was no way in Heaven or Hell that the signup deadline for Obamacare would be extended past the March 31 cutoff or, and I quote, with God as my witness may I be struck dead by lightning and spend eternity pushing the entire three ton Obamacare bill up a slippery slope of burning excrement while my liver is eaten by buzzards! Which is why the March 31 cutoff has not been extended, but people now have until April 15 to meet the March 31 cutoff in a few very, very, very rare circumstances. For instance, if they found the Healthcare.gov website to be an impossible-to-use train wreck. In other words, everybody gets the non-extension extension! Hooray! All of this is being done to try desperately to get at least a few more people enrolled to help disguise the utter disaster that Obamacare has been to date. How big a disaster, you ask? Try this: after all of the pain, confusion, bleeding of dollars, and disruption of real human lives and healthcare, 98% of the nations uninsured remain uninsured. Even on its final flight, Malaysian 370 was going in the right direction more than 2% of the time. Unlike Flight 370, however, we have experts who can tell us exactly what went wrong with the Obamacare signup and its primary goal of enrolling healthy young 20-somethings (or, as Michelle Obama calls them, knuckleheads.) The difficulty, according to Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, is that people are not educated about the Internet. Which is rather an odd thing to say about a generation that posts tweets, texts, Facebook messages, and Instagram pictures about their every thought, meal, and bowel movement. I mean..., really? Harry? Todays people dont know enough about the internet? Uh, because, wow, back in your day, wowza, right? Perhaps Harry will propose massively-expensive legislation to have union-certified teachers instruct the nations 28-year-olds about this Internet thing and, as long as theyre in a classroom, provide additional instruction introducing them to the newfangled wonders of electric lighting and indoor plumbing. He can skip teaching them how to use a calendar, though. Because now that the president has declared calendars to be living documents, and actual dates dont mean a damn thing anymore. Unless of course youre the IRS. Or any other government entity that demands your money.
Posted on: Sun, 30 Mar 2014 14:29:04 +0000
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