What a great pleasure it has been to read so many of the wonderful, insightful, spiritual, sentimental and fun posts on thankfulness this year. I have so missed my annual project of writing, but this season of life just hasn’t given the proper amounts of time for me to do so. Tonight however, I wanted to post about something that I have been blessed with my whole life, and most significantly over the past 8½ years. I am thankful for family and friends that are prayer warriors. I have been blessed to have people surround me during good times and hard times that I know are committed to holding the precious things of my life to the Lord in prayer. There is no better place for my joys and concerns to find their home than in the hands & heart of God! Thank you to the far-reaching community of people that I love so dearly that have prayed for me, for my husband, for my children and for all the things that concern me. Your prayers have reached heaven on my behalf and I am humbly thankful. I write tonight, on the eve of yet another appointment for Connor that will prove to have drastic effects for him and our little family. I have remained fairly silent on an issue that happened back at the end of August, yet the magnitude of my concerns are extreme! Connor had been treated for a severe ear infection and was taking antibiotics to resolve the infection when, on August 31st he banged his head against the wall so hard that he briefly knocked himself out. When he came to, he seemed startled, scared and bewildered, but he did not cry. After a while of being groggy, he got up and walked around, had good balance, and even giggled with Daddy when he got home from church. There was however, one big thing that was massively different…he wasn’t turning to sound. He didn’t turn to his name, to a loud noise, to the sound of his toys and more importantly, the sound of our voices. The verbal requests for a “kiss kiss” let a blank stare in his eyes and without the physical and visual prompt of what to do, he wouldn’t respond. We took him to the doctor and they said that his ears looked fine, but I was not convinced. I called his ENT to schedule a hearing test under sedation to find out what was going on and they didn’t sense the urgency of the matter. They scheduled us for November 19th and put us on a cancellation list for sooner appointments. After calling every Monday for the past 3 months with no avail, we are scheduled to go tomorrow for the test. In these past 3 months Connor has ebbed and flowed with responding to sound. If you speak directly into his ear (lip to ear lobe) he seems to hear something. He smiles and giggles as if to say, “Oh there you are…I’ve been missing your voice!” He holds his toys that make sound primarily on his left side and usually lays his head on the toy to hear something. He has been violently banging his head on anything he can find with greater force than we have ever experienced with him. The repeated blows to his head are terrible. It is scary to see how strong that little boy is and the potential damage he can do. As the mother of a special needs child, I have learned that days are often uneasy with the realization that I cannot figure out what is going on when my little boy cannot tell me how he feels or what he thinks. I depend on the connection with him when I talk to him and say “I love you” and he gleams with joy just to hear it. That gleam has waned over the last 3 months. That connection seems broken because I know he cannot hear me. I would be lying if I didn’t confess that I was angry about this. With the myriad of complications that Connor experiences, his hearing was actually one thing that we felt we could count on. It feels so selfish to even express these feelings, but he’s my little boy…I would protect him and sacrifice my life for him. I would even exchange my hearing for his if I could.
Posted on: Wed, 19 Nov 2014 02:41:48 +0000
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