What a night! So, one of our four legged mongrels, decides she doesnt like that it is a very quiet night. Or perhaps, she heard a varmint in the neighbors (over 100 yards away) trash and decided to sit on my deck, on the side of the wall from my head as I slept and bark at it, instead of going to check things out in person. I mean, that would have required getting up. But what ever the reason, she would only stop barking long enough for me to go to sleep. Then, as if she had some kind of sensor that informed her that I had just entered REM sleep, she was faithful to solicited my participation in her berate of the varmint in my neighbors trash, thus requiring Mr REM and I part company. The good part is, she only did this 23 times before I got up. So, I get dressed and head outside to see if there really is an elephant in my neighbors trash. I didnt want to just do a smack down on the dog, if there was actually something in our yard I might really want/need to know. She and I took a stroll and i encouraged her to alert me to the danger to us all, particularly her. Though she and I made our rounds, flashlight in hand, with her barking every few steps, she finally advised me that whole of the wilderness just beyond our fence, was in fact, something worthy of mine and her attention. However, she never did say Why! To say I was frustrated at this point, would be an understatement. I decided to put her in her crate in the house, so that she might be closer to us all, as to provide better protection for us, from the impending assault of the wilderness. Not to mention, move her to the other end of the house. I invited our fearless K-9 inside and sought her crate. I looked and looked for her crate, to no avail. I did however, find a teenage boy, of unknown origin, asleep, dead or otherwise incapacitated, in the bed my son usually sleeps in. Then I found my son unconscious on the couch. Both apparently sedated, as neither one of them made any indication they were effecting by anything going on inside, or outside of the house. After walking around the house, circling no less than nine times, much like a persistent burglar, neither my fearless tracking dog, nor myslef, were able to find said crate. I finally gave up the hunt and put the mongrel back outside. Only to discover her crate on the deck, with a cat asleep inside. I shut the door in pure frustration, wanting to slam it really loud, hopefully waking the comatose teens, but sliding doors suck when it comes to dramatic effect. I headed back to bed and hadnt even rounded the corner to the hall, when our fearless protector let in again. I scolded her and she continued. So I grabbed the BB gun and was going to begin the No useless barking training. However, the BB gun wouldnt shoot. I guess the popping sound scared her, in spite of the fact no BBs came out (she is so brave) and she laid down. I finally climbed in bed, by this time, FIT TO BE TIED! Now I cant go to sleep. So in my frustration, I pick up my phone and check out Facebook. I cant go to sleep because I have awakened numerous times now, so I decide to write a reply on a guys thread that is using the bible to refute the bible. I guess I had been writing about 30 minutes when I noticed one of our many cats next to me on the bed. This young cat is very friendly when she is hungry. So, she is up there purring and messaging the bed with her paws when I notice something feels wet. I panic and grab my burglar light again, only to realize I am now laying in a puddle of cat pee. I gotta be honest, at this point, I am ready to mess up the new paint job on our bedroom walls with cat blood. My wife finally wakes up and helps with the cat bath and cat abatement procedures already underway. Then she tells me I scared the cats, causing them to poop under our bed. Really! I wonder how she determined the time of the incident? You think she might have checked the temperature of the poop with her finger, or something high tech like that? At this point I am considering making the cats do more than pooping under the bed! Finally got in bed and started writing this status and my wife asks me what I am doing. She says I am keeping her up and how she is about to try to go to sleep again, for the 15th time. At this point, I am too far gone to even argue. Well, the good news is, it is now morning. Daylight, in fact. As they say, Joy comes in the morning, right? But hey, now the dog wont be barking at the scary woods because she can see and there is no need to wake me up. And I wanted a farm! What was I thinking?
Posted on: Fri, 22 Nov 2013 12:18:32 +0000
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